I can be a happy gurl if i want to!!

2006-07-30T18:52:00.000+08:00

I had a dream
A dream of you and me
We were holding knives
Deciding who is the knight
Both of us were bleeding
Waiting for the last strike
I looked at you,you looked at me
Armour shattered, helmet spoilt
The last battle is yet to be
Far away on the other side
Princess Laura laughing eerie
Thats what you do
When you think both are ugly

ps.the dark side has risen to power.

2006-07-27T01:12:00.000+08:00

Twinkle twinkle
Make it trouble
For i will repay you
More then double

Winkle winkle
You better hide under the table
For i will find you
And its not mission impossible

Blinkle blinkle
Tighten your knuckle
For i will punch you
Till you are vegetable
Lady of the night

2006-07-20T21:21:00.000+08:00

Lady of the night
Ruling the moon and the stars
That twinkles and shining bright
Light was her best frend
But not after she married Darkness that man
She never see him ever again

Lady of the nite
Hear my cry
Tears of diamond
Pain so fine
Lead me away
Take me to your side
Give me peace and let me rest
Six feet under
Never gets older

Lady of the nite
Sing for me
The wind howling and rain humming
Oh,wat beautiful notes they produce
Take me in,drown me there
For i long to see your face

Lady of the night
Do not be afraid
For death is nothing
But another place
Been there,havent you
A wonderful palace
For the devils and spirits
Who couldnt be free on land

Lady of the night
See you there

2006-05-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

Time after Time

???????????
moshi mo kimi ni meguriaetara

???????????
nido to kimi no te o hanasanai

????????????
haru no owari o tsugeru hana midou

??????

kasumu hana hitohira

????????
yomigaeru omoide no uta

??????????

kono mune ni ima mo yasashiku

time after time

????????
kimi to deatta kiseki

?????????
yuruyakana kaze fuku machi de

?????????????
sotto te o tsunagi aruita sakamichi

????????

ima mo wasurenai yakusoku

??????????
kaze ni kimi no koe ga kikoeru

??????????
usurai sae kaeru tooi kioku

?????????????
kizutsuku kowasa oshirazu chikatta

??????????

itsuka mata kono basho de

??????????
meguriaou usu beniiro no

???????????

kisetsu ga kuru hi ni egao de

time after time

?????????
hitori hana mau machi de

??????????????
chirazaru toki wa modoranai kedo

???????????????
ano hi to onaji kawaranai keshiki ni

???????????

namida hirari matte ita yo

?????????????????
kaze mau hanabira ga minamo o naderu you ni

??????????????

taisetsu ni omou hodo setsunaku...

???????????
hito wa mina kodoku to iu keredo

??????????????
sagasazu ni wa irarenai dare ka o

??????????????
hakanaku koware yasui mono bakari

????????

oimotomete shimau

time after time

???????
kimi to irozuku machi de

???????????????
deaetara mou yakusoku wa iranai

????????????????
dare yorimo zutto kizutsuki yasui kimi no

?????????????

soba ni itai kondo wa kitto

If I had been able to meet you
I wouldn't have let go of you ever again
The hanamidou
Tells of the end of spring
One petal from this misty flower...

And an old song floats back
Gently, even now, into my heart

Time after time
The miracle of meeting you
In a city where the wind whispered through
We walked a path through the hills hand in hand
And made an unforgettable promise

I can hear your voice in the wind
The thin ice freezes back over
Long ago memories
Not knowing to be afraid of hurt, I swore
That someday, we'd meet again

Here, in a season of pale crimson
With smiles on our faces

Time after time
Alone in the city of whirling blossoms
Can't return to when things were fine
In this very same place, just like on that day
With my face strewn with tears, I waited for you

Those petals fly in the whirling wind
As if stroking the water's surface
In my anguish, I treasure each and every one...

Everyone says that they're lonely
That they have to keep searching
For someone
But all they end up chasing after
Are the fleeting and fragile

Time after time
If I could have met you in the city of changing hues
I wouldn't need any more promises
More than anyone else
You are so easy to hurt
I want to be with you--this time, forever.

2006-05-03T20:48:00.000+08:00

TMD TMD TMD TMD TMD
WAT THE HELL
BLOODY PIECES OF SHIT
I KEEP PLAYING?
WAT BULL SHIT COW DUNG
TMD TMD TMD TMD TMD
SO OBVIOUS THAT U R BIAS LAH
WAT A LOSER FAMILY
ALL GO TO HELL BAH
WAT KIND OF LIFE IS THIS
DAMN
JUS LEAVE ME ALONE
ALL U SHITTY PPLE
IT DOESNT MATTER IF I EXIST OR NOT
I WONT STAY ANY LONGER SO U CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH
STOOPID U AND U AND U
STOP TRYING TO SHOW WE ARE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY IN FRONT OF OTHERS BECOS WE ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT
DAMN U
ALL GO TO HELL
I WILL NOT CRY
I WONT DROP A DAMN TEAR
ALL U BULL SHIT
I WANT TO GO OVERSEA NOW NOW NOW
CANT STAND ALL OF U ANY MORE
EVEN IF I DIE OUTSIDE I AM NOT COMING BACK
SINCE U SO OPEN NO PT HIDING
ME SHALL FIGHT BACK
DUN U EVER THINK OF PEACE IN THE FAMILY WITH ME AROUND
BULLY ME LAH
I CREATE HAVOC

2006-02-18T19:59:00.000+08:00

yay,so long never blog le,kind of forget tt i have a blog.wanted to wait until 31 feb de , my 2 month anniversary of not blogging but watever,i shall do watever shit i lyk.fell in love with sweets and chocolate.they give me this sweet sweet tian tian feeling which make me quite happy. at loggerheads with kelvin tan cos i never hand up assignment.dunno y he makes a big fuss abt it.he shld go and ask my ex teachers and i bet they will advise him to get used to it. if not sooner or later he will have to make an appointment at woodbridge.(hope my 25.5 pages of assignment will shut him up.wat a pity it will be getting a big fat zero)muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha queen of lateness will always be my title. oh ya,there is a toilet queen sitting in front of me.she is worse than me lor,anyhow pon class lyk nobody's business. hou lao shi is a funny teacher,always go way out of the point but i lyk his stories. according to lynette,i am suppose to be hongyun crazed.hongyun is such a poor thing lor,all his image,reputation ruined by lynette.lets mourn in silence for one minute for the poor guy.T_T
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oh hor,fish leong din keep quiet,she is singing yong qi in my comp now. muahahahahahahahahahahaha
feeling quite tired today.go for tuition early in the morning.stay there for 5 hours. then went to orchard popular,hoping tt i can find mrs westvik's ancient english assessment bk among the dust but as expected it din appear no matter how many times i walk past the shelves. so i tot,never mind,still got simei.but simei tt small pop also dun have lor,din find the a maths bk lynette recommended as well.a little disappointed and worried.but i tot,nvm,tampines de pop bigger,simei de lao ya pok.so i carried my bag that weighs a ton and charge to tampines. same result.so i give up.anyway,there is no more pop for me to go to cos i already check out white sand pop le. instead,i went ard the gift shops to look at all the nice nice gifts.there is this shop in tampines mall that sell all the happy house thingy.as i was looking at this dunno wat thing,the sales girl suddenly appear and say in this ghastly voice "this product has a 20% discount". i was lyk DIAO,trying to scare me to death arh.tt made me realise one thing,all the sales girl in gift shops have this qian bian and dao look.no wonder no customers.then it turn into a vicious cycle:dao look>no customer>dao look due to no customer>no customer due to dao look.......... heh heh,i always quite happy when i buy some nice stuff so today i am kind of happy.la~la~la~
yes!wei wo hao,one of my favourite,the mv very nice but quite sad,thats why i lyk it.haha

oh ya,on friday,WHILE I WAS TRYING TO CRAP OUT SOME RUBBISH FOR MY GEOG TEST,the fire alarm rang and WE HAD FIRE DRILL.so shitty can.i want to cancel out another test on my bk lor.(song playing now: bu de bu ai by pan wei bo) now the test change to next thur.dunno if its a gd thing or not.looking forward to holiday and obs.back to damn fire drill, i am in first aid team 1 which suppose to chong to the fire site to save pple and in the end i became the casualty cos there is no casualty and the teachers afraid of being dropped by us,refused to be casualty.so ms chee turn to me and say: yu hsuan,u r now UNCONSCIOUS. zhen shi hai si ren can.wats my weight?58(i got cheated previously by the health check weighing machine which say i am 52.5,happy for nth) leh,want to sabo us also not lyk tt mah.so poor lcpl yingjie,lcpl enqi,eileen,steffi and xinyu had to carry me to the dance studio cos THE STRETCHER CANNOT BE USED WITHOUT A TRIANGULAR BANDAGE.wat the hell.in the dance studio,i just lay there and let hu shen molest me.almost fall asleep.zzzzzzZZZZZZZ.and then its recess,not so bad.after sch got cca,quite slack also.WE SANG LYK KINDERGARTEN KIDS.haha,kind of enjoy it but my singing sucks.footdrill was cool,lcpl woon chee very cute,keep praising us. :D my bellow need more practice i think.cos they say i was bouncing.how come i cant feel it?am i walking on the moon?woohoo!!leg and hand combination below average arh.sigh.okay,i think thats abt all bah ending this post with gao shou. see u again next light year,adios bonita~
ps: as i am editing this post,the song playing at the moment is Baby Bye which equals to adios bonita!!haha.dun get mixed up,adios bonita=gdbye mei nu,not baby bye.haha.watever

2005-12-31T22:17:00.000+08:00

Been thinking a lot during the shanghai trip cos the journey from a place to another is jus too long.Noticed some changes in me. These changes scare the hell out of me while i was thinking about them.If i dun stop them fast enough,my body,my soul,my heart, my everything would be taken charged of by another uprising force,developed within myself.Another force that is breaking away from the main me or the more normal me.The day it wins over me will be the day i lose my self forever.A sentence has been running through my head for the past few days."The evil side of me is corroding the better,its gaining power and strength."Then i would start thinking what will happen to me if i am not able to fight back.After many days,i finally have a conclusion,the only ever possible ending:insanity.No point hiding.Never thought of that i would 'feel' and be conscious of myself going crazy.The devil is filling up my mind,weakening my defence day by day. Help,i need help but who can help and how can they help?I am thinking too much,far too much.Its time to change.Last day of year 2005,how time flies.My imagination cant fly any farther,it would be the main cause of me going crazy and out of control. Time to stop,time to think of wats real and wats not,time to heal,time to say goodbye.

2005-12-04T19:44:00.000+08:00

Meaningless....

2005-11-02T21:17:00.000+08:00

HELLO!!whoa,many months never blog le but then blogging got quite sian and i cant be bothered. was looking for a new skin. nothing to my liking tho.holidays start le leh.drama nite on friday,not really in the mood for it.today papa come back!!long time din see him eh.come back for less than 4 hours before rushing back again.sigh.i have great ambition but obviously i am not working hard enough to achieve it.everyday play maple, never study.i bought all the books le but i think they are collecting dust le.stoopid yu hsuan. definitely failing my nco course,how to pass when i am not even taking the test.haha.not really concerned abt sj stuff nowadays.saw her on monday,wearing this really short skirt,sexy hor.me would never wear tt,showing off my drum sticks.feeling neutral abt seeing her.i think so.had tuition on tuesday,kind of sian.tt guy look sick with his eye bags.going back to taiwan on 8 Nov.cant wait to see granny and go shopping. think i become more mature over the months,i had lots of sympathy for the less fortunate.thats y i want to be a doctor,not only i can save pple,i can donate lots of $$ to help.but i must study hard first lah. wish me gd luck.going off liao.cya.

2005-07-29T00:00:00.000+08:00

hello,slacker,why are u slacking again?
isnt tt wat a slacker suppose to do?
and who ask u to be a slacker?
not my will,i was born this way.
RUBBISH,this is one bad habit u have after u came into nanyang.
sigh sigh sigh.blog a bit wont die lah hor.
big event of the day:NDP training.march and bang lyk NDP is tml. performance:sactisfactory.
90 degree pointed toe:not consistant arh
arm swing:not bad,got rm for improvement
head position:need reminders to look up.STOP LOOKING AT PPLE'S HEAD,LOOK ABOVE AND DONT EVER LOOK AT UR OWN HAIRY LEG AGAIN
bang:quite ok,got listen to timing.
result of hardwork:a big blister on the toe(not bad arh)
must be my booty lah,got problem.so painful,cant even walk properly now,tml got cca some more. arrgh.tooty.have been quite happy and optimistic.when they scold us,i suddenly feel like smiling leh (more like i am sick in the mind).
2nd big event:P4T:today quite interesting,talk abt science.altho i still dont understand but got participate in mrs tay's activity and got cheated by her.mrs ng's words kind of make sense but cant really get the meaning.
din cough much today.but when i was on the sch bus,i was having hard time keeping quiet den cant sleep also.lucky drill never cough.once it start it will take a long time to end and i will feel horrible. polished booty while watching LOST just now and they look the same. they always look shiny under my living rm light,cheat my feeling.
i dunno if u r talking abt me.but if my reply isnt wat u expected den too sad lah.but let me live up to my own expectations first b4 i live other's if not i will never do anything right i think.but if u are not talking abt me, then i really have to wonder why i always think people are talking abt me when they are not??so self centered.
today no need to take panadol cos i am so tired,i can just jump onto my bed and fall dead.love my bed very much altho its quite stinky cos of my drool and sometimes i din bathe den lie on it.sorry bed but i got change bed sheet quite often.hey,u r luckier than my last last bed,ok.when i was small,i wet the bed many times eh.din want mama to noe den change the sheet in the middle of the night,trying to hide the evidence but i think mama knows anyway.when i was small,i was a very naughty and bad girl.
i can see my vein on my left ankle,quite obvious and it hurts a little.if i use a knife to cut,lots of blood might flow out.that shld be abt all.
i can feel i am recovering from my flu or sore throat or watever tt makes me feel lousy but the heat wont go away.dont care lah,got used to it liao.it makes me frustrated and hot tempered tho.especially on hot weather.time to sleep now.hope i stay happy.(din do homework of cos happy lor) haha. :D

2005-07-27T22:10:00.000+08:00

okay,slacking again.anyway first of all STOP COUGHING U IDIOT!!!watch movie,cough cough, break,cough cough cough,P4T cough cough cough cough,tuition,not a sec was i not coughing.its so noisy and so painful to my lungs and tummy. start eating panadol or shld be pro and say paracetamol.nice,just a tiny pill and i sleep through the whole night.yay,thanks to shinyi and jiayi,think i did quite well for napfa retest. *muacks* now left 2.4,yucks,cant run for long arh.sigh sigh sigh.no,dont u dare to cough again, better ren until cannot then ren some more, sick of coughing liao.shld be grateful ,at least i dont have high fever lyk my sister every time she is sick.poor thing.its my duty to take gd care of her eh.love her very much.watched lord of the rings during creative writing today.legolas still as shuai as the last time i watch this movie. haha,cant help but laugh lyk an idiot.paragon also not bad.i lyk shuaige!!!!mr lim also quite gd looking!! :D he appear in today's zaobao popcorn with mrs teo!!muahahahahaha so cute.the big event of today: P4T.i really wonder if tt professor from NUS escaped from some asylum and pretend to be a professor of epistemology den come and lecture us on knowledge and talk crap. how can u noe our world is real??maybe u r dreaming tt u r living in this world??there might be this evil scientist who put ur brain in a vat and control ur everyday life. wat the hell,think my problem not enough is it, still ask me to think of wu liao things lyk tt.ya lah ya lah,everything is unreal lah, we are all nemo from matrix,living in a world controlled by computer,if thats wat nanyang wants us to think, we will just give it to them lor.so wat if our world isnt real,nothing we can do wah,life has to go on.mrs tay so serious, as if if we dont noe wat world we are living in,it will end tml.now everything is fake,we are just dreaming.......... gosh,this is driving me crazy,soon i will be insane and start going to other sch to lecture them, telling them to face the truth:u r all dreaming. shall never study philosophy,not suitable for normal human beings. after talking to her who got some sense in me,i feel better.actually i dont really hate them,jus cant used to them treating us this way,anyway my way of thinking change liao, shall not be bothered at watever they say.makes my life happier.she will always be right so i just follow her lor.i am very sorry that i throw tantrums and be a childish baby.hey,i am repenting already. got put in extra effort for footdrill.constantly checking dressing ,arm swing, 90 degree pointed toe and digging of shoes. maybe shld give up some time for first aid too, very de important.suddenly realise when i hantak i move backwards!!!! must puke out sometime to practise with claire.NDP-now they make it sound scary important. now panadol is working its magic again,sleeping beauty is coming,gd night. wonder wats P4T going to tell us tml........ zZZzZZzZZz

2005-07-25T21:30:00.000+08:00

getting very sick and very upset.my voice sounds horrible too.thanks to my "healthy" throat and those who made it worse.so very grateful.i am not having fever but i feel hot all over,the heat is trapped inside,cant get out. having a blocked nose is frustrating,i cant seem to breathe.feeling weak and useless.din go for tuition today.went home early to be dead to the world for 3.5 hours.cant believe i didnt close my eyes at all,spent all my sleeping time on home econ assignment this morning,went to work on it after watching ET.nice movie.watched twice liao.went to ride the flying bike in universal studio when we went to US many years ago. wasnt as tired and sleepy as i expected. turning into alien i think.creative writing quite a waste of time,took hours but only get a few pathetic things done.mr james tan is quite an interesting man tho.P4T-damn boring,having a hard time trying to keep awake in LT. Philosophy-knowledge-fallacy-induction-deduction-premises,nothing went into my head. Tutorial session-wats ms low doing in the classroom we suppose to go?she is one of the tutors lah,toot.wats even more unfortunate was wu lao shi was opposite at the sci block invisualating?? some classes.walking along the corridor den i saw him.so scary.keep haunting me.still own him some hw.was laughing lyk an idiot.shld have chose 10 today den i dun have to march in NDP.so many drills,but i still have to go tuition and i rather go tuition than get scolded by them.never hate any nco so much lyk now. maybe i shall faint on NDP.think i can stand tt long meh. drop down and die halfway more lyk it.so many sj activities,getting sian.keep thinking its the end of the world every time cca ends.kind of relieved but when i realise its so not going to happen, there is always this giant rock falling from the sky to crash me.feeling a bit sad that i may not get into tj after all.too stupid le.mama wants me to go o level track.not a bad idea to follow along.cant see my own future anyway. shall stop here,feeling sleepy.

2005-07-01T22:10:00.000+08:00

dear blog,suddenly i need you badly.realised ur importance out of the blue.wat a pity tt u r not my friend,if not i would be very happy.overcome by depression.very sad all of a sudden.must have been influenced by them.but i am not crying.i am sure of tt.jus like last year.maybe my heart has hardened and become stronger over the years.it has turned towards the cold side.even if we cry until we are blind,there's no way they will stay. everybody has to move on.this is life so learn to live it and stop being a baby who doesnt want to grow up,it will just upset everyone else.thats wat i told myself.had a very weird feeling after coming back from CIP.i dun lyk it and if i knew i would feel tt way,i would have gone home straight away.toking abt CIP,while we were on the bus,there were 4 crazy girl,laughing their organs out,giving strange names to each other. quite irritated and frustrated by those EM1 pri 6 students who simply cant keep their big mouth shut so huiyan can speak.wanted to slap them. grouped up with 4 boys cos no more choice left.got a head and deputy head prefect inside. there was this joshua boy who couldnt stop laughing.and tt deputy head keep making really lame and cold jokes. wanted to stuff orange in his mouth,put gel on his hair,so gross.wanted to attend ROD so badly.i just dun want to miss anything.i did anyway.suppose to be duty ic today.tot my days of being the unique someone who haven been duty ic in the squad gonna be over soon but got CIP so kind of escaped.the scene quite chaotic when we returned to sch. some become CL or staff or sgt or cpl or lcpl.quite surprised tt ren zhi and yijing are corp and deputy corp leader.pple crying, laughing, eating, drinking,forcing pple to eat and tou pai-ing(thats me lah). staff ruth was crying,her eyes red and puffy.go ard and take pictures.din get to take photo with those i wanted to.somebody has to be the photographer and stay outside the picture to get the picture and i chose to be tt person.dun ask me why.think i shld stop avoiding tt problem.its there no matter how i try to deny it.we just cant get along any more,can we?the distance between us jus gets wider.we are not as close as before.and for those tt i tot we wont be tt close,we are nearer,our hearts are closer.i dunno why is this happening but it jus happened.i start to get out of ur circle,ur picture to join someone else,to find someone of the same interest.think i jus cant stand the dreadful silence between us every time we are together.we are walking towards different direction,maybe never turning back.if this is wat u want, so be it.i learned to care for other pple,rather than staring at ur back,hoping we will return to last time.since nobody can make me happy,why not make an effort to make others happy. being alone when everybody else is gone is never a gd feeling so let me be the last one.i believe i will get used to this feeling.SJ day today.quite proud of my marching, din really make major mistakes cos i was very conscious and constantly reminded myself.legs were getting numb and was complaining abt announcements and prize giving ceremony when i look up and saw a gray giant panda standing at 2nd floor.quickly look back at the podium and pretend the prize winners are very interesting. dare not look up again but could feel her existence,thinking:she no need go to sch meh,so free arh.after parade,was in a hurry to go for lesson.heard her voice while walking past her.her voice kind of soothing i guess.but at tt moment,i jus want to get away from her asap.lyk a child who was guilty of smth and trying to hide.not brave enough to face her i think. the test is next week.coming to a crossroad in my life.if everything is smooth,i really might have to leave my present life.i wouldnt feel so lonely then since my sister is there.wanted to tok to her abt it but she is too busy.din want to disturb her.she once said NY is the best but i am not so sure abt it any more.toking abt hugging NCOs,i only manage to eat staff Pauline's tofu,hugged her tightly and discovered tt hey,i never hug her before,wonder how would it feel to squeeze her hard.this week is very tiring.no more energy left.tml got SJ carnival,with all the quite disturbing PRCs who dun contribute,not even a tiny bit in this Sj family.i never gonna say gdbye but u are walking away anyway.i need some time to think abt my current situation.the time to make the decision would be here soon.shall not get emotional.plan my future sensibly.its the best for me.
the sky is raining,
as we are tearing,
we are crying,
cos u r leaving.
maybe we are jus not meant to be.
u have ur path,
i have my days
we are finally going separate ways
stop moaning or grumbling
this is life,so
just face it.

2005-06-29T20:48:00.000+08:00

haven finish my camp post yet but no choice lah,din have time once sch started.i dun lyk school. at all.yay,this week very lucky,wu lao shi away for reservice. muahahahahahahahahaha.must quickly finish all his hw.dunno wat to write le.i remembered i want to complain about many things de.today very tired and sleepy cos i woke up early in the morning to do hw.see lah,do hw, cannot concentrate during class,sleep den have after tea with wu lao shi with lots of his saliva added in.having a hard life arh.so shld i go if i have the chance to?but i think i am losing tt chance. if i go,i dun think i will ever see her again.we will be so far apart.ROD?wats tt.passing out say passing out lah,use such a weird name.got all the presents ready le.haven write letters tho.must hurry up if not no time le.ok,shall end here.very touched tt she is concerned abt me as much as i am to her.

2005-06-18T22:10:00.000+08:00

today isnt a gd day but isnt tt bad too.stop demanding from me please.u r giving me lots of pressure.i am gonna break down.i dun think u would lyk it too if i jus give it to u not from my heart.if u r so materialistic,i am sorry,i cant afford it.homenursing so so.lunch wasnt tt bad.but tummy wasnt feeling tt well after eating.i have no idea why suddenly she is so nice to me but i dun want to be hurt again.in case u dunno,ur careless words do hurt me.lose my tiny bit of respect as well.i am not smth tt u lyk,u come, when u dun feel lyk it,u kick me aside.when u r sad,i give u my comfort.i be a clown jus so tt u can be happy but i dun think i deserve tt kind of treatment.so i escape.i ran away.i feel sad but i wont tell.can only have myself to blame.got my hair cut.felt tt its not short enough but i am against a bald yuhsuan.think a tiny bit of hair is better.read a bk abt visual illusions.find it facinating and amazing.need some time alone to think abt things.kind of disappointed in them.

2005-06-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

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:+:eileen kong,HAPPY BIRTHDAE!! ~<): D :+:
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2005-06-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

thankew,jia hui for making my new yet old blog a success.very happy with it.the pic very romantic eh.imagine i am the girl muahahahahahaha. nothing much to tok abt.so wu liao today.going to sleep liao but dui dui is currently snoring on my bed.ate a coconut after dinner,drank its blood,dig out its flesh and put them into my bloody mouth. tml got home nursing. duh.nah.bleargh. yijing, 1)we havent pick twigs and sticks and dry leaves. 2) have to hand them in on mon. 3)hows ur table label coming? 4)PERFORMANCE!!got some ideas to make it longer,try to call u but nobody even bothered to answer me.5) havent buy canned food and ice mountain.(exclusively for me) 6)havent label all those things tt need labelling.(same) 7)havent sew flag 8)how to sew when the flag is lying in basement 9)we are totally not prepared for camp 10)there is a possibility tt i might kena camp ic after yijing.Am i enjoying my hoildays? DUN ASK ME SUCH STOOOOPID QUESTION LAH!!
p.s.never noe i am so evil until today when discussing wat we shld give to ncos.haha.

2005-06-09T21:42:00.000+08:00

PISSED OFF.with my so called family.and wats wrong with opening the metal frame of MY RM'S WINDOW!!NOT HAPPY ARH,MY RM EH!!as if i care wat the neighbours think.think i will jump?i so stoopid meh,no way i am gonna make all ur evil wish come true.silly stars,twinkle for wat. picking on everything COS I FEEL LYK IT.see if u can stop me.bull shit.spoil my day.shldnt have stay at home,made me very grumpy.cant stand them at all.love is jus sweet nothings.I HATE,I HATE,I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!!cant believe i let history repeat itself. AGAIN.yu hsuan,y r u so stoopid.Y IS IT TT U NEVER LEARN UR ASSHOLE LESSON.u give them ur heart and soul and u get back?u treat them lyk diamond and wat r u in return?NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT.slap u ,slap u,slap u,wake up u silly pok.stop wasting money.ur poor papa din work day and night on the stoopid ship so tt u can watse money on them.get it into ur idiotic head.last night,i dreamed of sgt rachel.another weird dream.but she is as chubby as her in the photo we saw.during one cca,everybody was wearing outdoor tee and track pants den i suddenly appear in my full u but was holding my belt in my hand. then dunno who ask me y i am in full u."huh,i dunno.i din check the time table on the board yesterday(it was a thursday,my dream told me)"i fell sick after tt and was sleeping on a bed in somebody's study.someone told me the owner of the study was a bad guy and sgt rachel is working for him without knowing.i was suppose to pretend to be sick so i can get into his rm and steal info from his comp.after tt,i went out and realise i am in a hotel.the corridor is in a circular shape and i ran ard it to find the lift.but the bad guy and chubby sgt rachel came out from the lift.i went into hiding.den i ended up in some airport hangar(??) and the dream turn into really bad nightmare.kind of forced myself to wake up.looked at the clock.7 am.time to go for tuition.air con finally change.cool.mama cleared out store rm today.she threw away a bag full of teddies.3 of us rushed out to save them. nobody wanted the piggy.washed them all and hang them on the window to dry.trying to finish the jigsaw puzzle. compelet the sky part le.Lost is starting.dunno if i shld watch.quite bloody.if its not a dino,wat's tt monster?godzilla?gorilla?the incredibles? watever lah, not really my problem.at least sgt ruth cares. not lyk sgt xy. not free.den when r u free?after camp arh?she's so free tt shes not free. she's so not free tt she's free.actually it makes sense if u think abt it. u actuallt have to be free so tt u can be unfree.smth lyk tt.think it over when u r free.

2005-06-06T20:33:00.000+08:00

3 songs tt i lyk very much.din try to download them cos its not right i think. found a brazilian website tt got the songs. every time i try to post smth,i cant help but SIGH.haiya,haiya,HAIYA.tao yan lah.i seem so free and busy.all the meeting and tuition clash together.either i have nothing or i hav everything.decide to do some serious hw.no more time le.wait,i go eat dinner first. ok, finish another oily dinner(getting sick of it), accompanied mama to NTUC(had fun pushing tt cart).bought green tea toothpaste and head and shoulders shampoo with a tiny one free!!!can bring to camp so i wont miss it so much.another boring day i guess. tml i am free,i want to jog,jog,jog.i dun care lah,cannot break promise again. camp how?think i am more of the labour kind.only can do those work tt does not require much thinking.dun lyk the colour of flag.feel lyk changing grp's name too.nothing seem to be right.maybe i am jus picking bones out of the egg.too bored le lah.hw,hw,HW,wat abt ur hw?okay.we'll see abt it.and where do i find tt wu lao shi's supposedly famous and popular you jing's novel?if i cant find it,how am i going to do tt book review?how, how,HOW!!yh,if u are going to shout at the comp screen,y not get ur ass off and go to some bk shop instead?ya rite,tok tok tok,no action.ok,yh's puny brain,lets go find tt silly bk someday.dun care lah,next morning jog first.i forgot to buy ice mountain water bottle!!y cant we use evian?altho more ex but i lyk the design.spend thrift. hmphf. watever.
p.s.nobody seem to want to listen to watever shit i want to say so i decide to take out my soft toys and tok to them.well,at least they listen even tho might not be willingly de

2005-06-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

Everytime
Britney Spears

Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong?
Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so smallI guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby

And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

After all...
After all...

2005-06-05T23:11:00.000+08:00

Bring Me To Life
Evanescence
How can you see into my eyes
like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb?
Without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold,
until you find it there and lead it back home.

(Wake me up.)
Wake me up inside.
(I can't wake up.)
Wake me up inside.
(Save me. )
Call my name and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up. )
Bid my blood to run.
(I can't wake up. )
Before I come undone.
(Save me. )
Save me from the nothing I've become.
Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real.
Bring me to life.
[Chorus]
Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie/There's nothing inside.
Bring me to life.
Frozen inside without your touch,
without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.
All of this time
I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark
but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems.
Got to open my eyes to everything.
Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul
Don't let me die here/There must be something more.
Bring me to life.
[Chorus]
Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie/There's nothing inside.
Bring me to life

2005-06-05T22:53:00.000+08:00

Don't Want To Miss A Thing
Aerosmith
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Laying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, and just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
I don't want to miss a thing

2005-06-05T21:58:00.000+08:00

i am quite happy.slacking all day who not happy.-_-"whenver i reflect on my recent behaviour,i got very upset but am doing almost nothing to change it.wat to do?nothing.SIGH,I WANT TO SIGH,WHY AM I SO USELESS DE!!sleep the whole day away.the weather so hot,i was burning inside.feel lyk a volcano.the fan cant sactisfy my need any more.shld be grateful tt i manage to sleep so sleep the whole day lor.china forum:slept at 2 in the morning then wake up to go to sch.so sleepy de.claire and i were the only sec2s!!haha.nothing better to do wah.china forum sound quite interesting anyway.tt claire arh,really noe how to waste $$,she went jus becos i am going.rebaca and her friend seem to be having fun teasing us.tt toot toot rebaca,keep touching my and messing up my beautiful, silky and smooth hair.dun u noe its very hard to keep my hair in place.if i forget to comb it after i wash my hair,it will be unhappy and stand on its end.make me look lyk esplanade or smth. toking abt it,my hair is getting longer but it is not suppose to be!!totally hate long hair. so hot and my precious head and shoulders shampoo will be wasted and soon have to buy new one.cut it off,cut it off,cut cut CUT!!watching da movie waterboys. laughing my head off.so funny.miss my laughter.feeling quite good nowadays.of cos lah,din do hw,din see wu lao shi.but kind of worried.abt my future.happiness is very short de.a lot of things waiting for me.they are there,no matter how i want to neglect or pretend they dun exist but THEY ARE THERE.and time passes quickly.having weird dreams again.cant remember the details.but this time,miss chee was in it.prefer to drop dead instead of dreaming,it makes me tired,as if i din sleep at all.i need a supervisor.i need to be caned or whipped if i dun do my hw.then work will be done and accomplished.instead of me doing watever i want all day,lyk reading marathon.alone at home now.mum went to meet papa.bro went bbq with maid(temporary de but cant get used to having a stranger in the house),duidui still in camp.suddenly feel lyk screaming and shouting out loud.there is smth stuck inside me tt need to be released. shall not think so much lah,enjoy the present peacefulness. going to laugh lyk an idiot and think of nothing.rite.post no more.

2005-06-02T21:40:00.000+08:00

today's camp meeting is horrible lor.yijing,i shldnt have take u for granted.so bored when u r not there to listen to my lame jokes.nobody even care abt my cheers or flag design except the prcs cos they are sian too.guess today started badly due to my 2 weird nightmares.shall share with those interested.must be the pressure of the camp.cl shuyan is involved in my dream.can u believe it?y sgt rachel never bother to visit my dreamland de.nvm.the dream started lyk this:my family went to this restaurant.my sis and i went to the toilet.somebody was following us.the toilet was very very small,smaller than those on the plane but it was divided into 2.my sis and i went in together.jus as when we were doing our business,"cl shuyan" came and open the door and push the toilet or smth.den the toilet became a bath tub and da both of us sat inside and roll down the corridor together.then it ended.weird weird dream.i woke up late this morning.tot i set the alarm clock but din switch it on,no wonder din ring lah.waste my day in sch.i wasnt even needed at all.damn wu liao.cant stand beauty world.why only one direction got bus stop?only can go there den cannot go back is it?yi qu bu hui arh.dun lyk today lah, nothing goes my way.tml got china forum,have to spend the whole day in sch again.hope i dun see wu lao shi or paul tan.please,please,i beg you. sigh.sigh sigh sigh.wat a great holiday i am having.din go for jogging, never study first aid,doing homework at a really slow pace.think my brain gonna to be rusty again.BIG SIGH arh.......

2005-05-27T21:03:00.000+08:00

keep listening to jay's songs,they are so NICE!!today's cca very de slack due to the extra exciting camp briefing!!haha,i am in yijing's grp.too bad she has to endure my stoopidity for quite some time.our grp is doing martial art.thought of smth funny to perform while i was on 171 on the way to orchard but dun think yijing will agree cos its really lame. feeling quite happy and very optimistic.u can make things funny and fun if u jus try.u can make urself happier if ur desire is strong enough.it all depends on ur mindset.ya,i am happy today.but i still own teachers lot of hw.lang art,cme,chi.its not i dun want to do,i am jus not determined enough.got to make gd use of june holiday to buck up and finish all my holiday hw.nobody believe tt i am gonna wake early in the morning to jog in the park.i shall try to wake up.always the last one during pt very no face leh.still rmb when i was in pri sch,i can run quite fast but now...sigh. went to eat korean food with mama,dui dui and bro after cca.den my bro went to da toilet and we took the escalator to dunno how many storey.we waited and waited for him but he never came.me and sis went to take mrt first.suddenly mama call me using some guy's phone(hers no batt,dunno bring for wat)and told us didi was nowhere to be found!!the first thought of me is:oh,oh,is he missing,maybe he got kidnaaped and i was thinking wat to tell the kidnappers when they call for ransom.was so damn relieved when bro finally called.can hear tt he was crying.oh well,jus some false alarm den.toking abt tt,no fire drill at all leh,but i have been worrying for the whole week,every time got announcement,i tot dey gonna tell us got fire.keep reminding myself to chong down to dance studio immediately.going crazy le.felt lyk a rubber band being stretched to the fullest and going to break anytime.her classmates so bad and evil and mean,how can treat her lyk tt.do they have any idea how hurt she is.wat right do they have to do tt.so grateful tt my classmates din treat me tt way.at least not in front of me.feel so unfair for her.meanie toots.leave poor sgt rachel alone.jia you,sgt rachel,u must be strong.must do hw hor,dun be lyk me.lucky u dun have wu lao shi in NJC.if not u have to see him everyday le.jus lyk me.heh heh.duh,i noe he meant well.but u cant blame on me totally for not completing my work.i have my ku zhong de. feeling sleepy,but haven take shower yet.decide to wake up in the middle of the night to do lang art hw and mail to paul tan.wish me luck.

2005-05-13T20:23:00.000+08:00

smth tt i never manage to tell wu lao shi:u say u have ur own problems then wat for i add on to ur burden by telling mine?this world is never beautiful,its filled with sufferings and misery.i noe i hav problems but i dun want to solve them.nobody listens to me when i say i need a phsychologist.tell u?wat am i suppose to tell u?due to my complicated family background,i have turned insane?i was never normal,jus tt it wasnt tt serious in the past.recently,i found out why i dun have friends. both parties are afraid.afraid of wat.afraid of me.i brought bad luck and misfortunes to those who come close to me.maybe it wasnt my attention to harm them but they got hurt anyway.so keep away from me,leave me alone.its not pple harm me but me is the culprit.i finally understand. thats why i have to train myself into an emotionless freak.no laughing,no smiling,NO CRYING,no shouting,nothing.absolutely no emotion.i wont be affected by others.then i wont get hurt or disappointed any more.my heart will heal.no more pain.no love and the pain tt comes after it .theres no way tt i am going to let it happen to me.but i cried today,it shows tt i am not yet a emotionless freak.it was a big mistake i made.i broke the promise of never to cry again.guess i need harsh training.crying is useless.nobody likes cry babies.not tt i care anyway.its all wu lao shi's fault.he try to tell me tt this world can be beautiful and not all pple are evil.i got upset and tears streamed down.stop creating a fantasy world. reality is harsh and cruel.instead of waking up from ur fantasy and tot u jus fell from heaven to hell,why not learn to live in reality.if i continue to be lyk this,i would be happy till i am old?my reply:i never planned to live tt long,mister.i am gonna be strong.even if i have to put on a mask.to all those who is reading now,plse leave me alone,dun come near me.i dun want to see anyone hurt.the guilty feeling i have is too hard for me to bear.my heart is weak.now i noe why everywhere i go or anyone i meet never had a gd ending.all thanks to me.so let history repeat itself no longer.no more.no more.

2005-05-08T12:10:00.000+08:00

ok,not suppose to be online now or even trying to blog but oh nothing to do wah and dun really feel lyk doing hw.always wait till the last minute. shall try to finish watever i wanted to do last night.my summary of this week.
monday:cant rmb if anything worth mentioning happened.watever.oh i rmb its labour day holiday.thats all.
tuesday:sci test.doable.full stop.no further comments.very far behind for ITE.not my fault lah,trying hard to catch up le.footdrill?cant recall.today my papa's birthday.called him to sing birthday.u cant blame me for not hearing my voice ,dad.how are u suppose to hear me when i am the background singer and the phone never once came to my direction.thats how bias she is.retreat back into my rm right after dat cos i cant play the birthday song on the piano or the violin or watever instrument.(suddenly rmb tt this is da day i went to see ms koh.it went well.we are starting dunno wat therapy next week.sounds lyk phsychologist or smth)
wednesday:i got 9 for pe assessment!!!!cool.assembly sucks.while madam mak was telling us why we had to pay so much sch fees,i was squirming and scratching upstairs.miserable toot.din go for tuition after NSW cos of tt.how i long to have a bath.
thursday:worst day of da week.maths test.hopeless.serve myself right for not studying hard enough.art was ok.assignment:draw 5 boxes from different angles with wats tt point call?cant rmb.project work was damn boring.lunch break.that was when i start to have tummyache. reason: unknown.thousand butterflies inside.footdrill,a time of misery.chinese is nice.we were doing poem appreciation.all da poems sound poetic and beautiful.
friday:nothing to tok abt for lessons.boring is the only word.cca.thanks,u stoopid head for giving me headache.must be the stuffy basement. footdrill is all abt scolding and shouting.hey,lcpls,dun shout so much until u lose ur voice arh(look at sgt qiqi).actually no need to shout lah,we are not deaf.as for lcpl yijing,she has entered puberty,her voice will deepen as her larynx enlarges so no worries.home nursing was depressing.taught us how to make bed.the process seem very familiar. only the patient lying on the bed is my granny and my aunt was the one changing.lost in my own thought and wasnt really paying attention.i suddenly miss her very much.why is it tt not once i thought of calling back to ask how is she doing?why din i cherish the wonderful moments we had together?why are our time spent on discussing who is right and who is wrong?pressure sores.how painful and miserable it is when u hav ulcers yet u cant tell others or do anything abt it except lie on the hospital bed?almost cry out after thinking so much.made me quite upset.went home to watch my tv show.wooden door was closed.right,the three of them werent at home.watever.had my own dinner.fell asleep watching mulan2.tired day.
saturday:woke up early for sports day.waiting for bus at the bus stop when tt toot yijing still at home duuno to wear wat.why did HCI get ambulance and pple from outside when we have our own team of first aiders available?watever.maybe they think we are not capable.quite true for me.panick lyk mad if there is casualty.yijing lyk to abuse me.she must lyk me too much.i always noe tt i am friendly and cute and nice to be with.slight abrasion on right knee.the wound is so small yet hurts lyk i got stabbed in the heart.stoopid.went to J8 with squaddiesto have lunch.went home after tt and drop dead on the bed.couldnt wake up when ma call at 7.watched a really nice movie on channel5.its all abt giant pandas!!!so cute and adorable.my sis cant stop saying they are jus machines.so wat?of cos u cant use real pandas,tt would be dangerous.who use real pandas for movies?they are in danger of extinction for goodness sake.anyway,the 2 kids in the movie keep falling into the river and the baby panda got tossed ard.see,how can u use real pandas to toss them ard?
sunday:din go to church again.pretend to sleep.woke up after i heard the wooden door being closed.am very hungry now cos there jus isnt anything in the house to eat.never mind,im on a diet.tummmy keep grumbling tho. really loud.maybe the acid is trying to digest my tummy itself and soon there is going to be a big hole.haha.
Reflection and feeling of the week:
thanks for those who tried to cheer me up or told me to.but i guess its up to myself to be happy.am trying.anyway i made somebody happy this week.glad tt i can bring smiles to others since i cant have it myself.there are jus some things troubling me.am i having depression?i dunno.but i din have any thought of commiting suicide recently.jus think tt its not the best choice and den my brain exclude tt option automatically.a better choice now is to heck care abt it lah.cant be bothered kind of attidude. advantage of this:i am still alive?dunno lah.
thats all i think.

2005-05-07T23:48:00.000+08:00

can u believe it?i typed for so long and blogger jus make everything disappear!!not going to type everything again.going to read th guy next door.idiotic blogger.

2005-04-29T23:09:00.000+08:00

she is troubled,just like me.how i wish i can take all her unhappiness away.i wish...i wish....sad to say,my wish never once come true.was coughing like mad.a sign tt is telling me tt my days are numbered?i dunno.nobody noes the future.i am lost.my mind is in total blankness. my jus pass from day to day.go to sch,go home,go tuition.doing the same thing every single day.i dunno wats the purpose of living.i cant find.i just cant be bothered.scolded by teacher.no big deal.homework not finished.as if i care.wat has chu yu hsuan become?why is she like tt?why did she come to this world in the first place?is there any future for her?wat will become of her in the next 10 to 15 years?wat kind of life she is living now?why she has no friends?why isnt she as close to her family now?is she close to them at all?i cant take it anymore.the world, reality, society, friends,classmates,teachers,family is too much for simple minded hsuan hsuan.i dun care if i am escaping into my tiny hole.i jus dun want to face all these.the cheerful and guai yu hsuan is history.i hav no idea where did it go.but i noe tt it is not coming back. never.everything seem to be stressful.they are sucking up watever i hav left.i am one poor pathetic souless creature.do i need help??do i want to be helped??reality is so cruel tt i no longer want to be in it.i want create a fantasy world for myself.i can do watever i like.is my mind as complicated as i think it to be?or i am just making everything up??wats the truth abt me??wats the problem??no wonder wu lao shi is worried cos yu hsuan is on the edge of breaking up, soon she will be crazy.ms koh,a total stranger,can i tell her everything thats on my mind?even those tt i have never told anyone b4,not even my sister?do i need her to interfere my life?can she solve my problem?can she make a new yuhsuan?i dunno. i dunno wat i can tell ms koh when i see her on tuesday.how i hope i turn crazy soon and get sent into an asylum.death is coming nearer.is it?is it not?who can tell me wat to do?who can lead me out of the darkness?her?my friends?ms koh?servere headache.its killing me.so sad i am not dead yet.wats the purpose of still living?reality is so harsh on me.why me?of all people in the world?are they suffering too?i want the people ard me to have the happiness which i am obviously not having.then when i am gone,they wont be too sad.would they even notice tt i am gone?or they dun even noe my existence?crying no longer works for me.crying doesnt solve my problem.i held back my tears,i dun allow them to show, i want to pretend tt everything is under control. everyone would think i am fine.so so tired of this world.please,let it end.relieve me from sufferings.set me free.

2005-04-17T15:52:00.000+08:00

today is sunday.suppose to do my ancient chi compo.ended up using the comp since it WORKS!!went to HQ yesterday to watch first aid comp. never miss it b4.from my last year experience,i brought sweet,drink, discman and books to pass the long boring hours.sometimes i cant stand pple.they take me for granted jus because i am so damn nice to them.li yong me to the fullest.tt makes me very sad.tt makes me fear commitment.cos in the end,when i am no longer seem worthy to them,they jus dump me aside like i am some rubbish.tt make me hate this world.i no longer believe how beautiful this world can be because reality and the ugliness of pple hav proven so.even my so called friends. are they too immature?or they jus dun care?i never noe tt i am tt unfit to be a human.i am jus some stoopid ball being kicked ard when i lost my value.why shld i care abt others when all they do is use me?i noe i look pathetic but every person has a limit.mentally tired.shall not believe anything she say.she is always too optimistic.hope my long wished heart attack come sooner than i expect.this world is dark,so so very dark.i think my aorta is clogged.gd.i am reflecting all the sad things in my chi compo.all the characters either die or smth terrible happened to them.every one of them will at least enter the hospital once.too bad.i am the writer.i do anything i lyk to them.noe wat,wu liao lao shi lied.he called my mother on fri or thur.my mom picked up the call.but she told him tt both my MUM and i werent at home.she pretended to be a maid which obviously our house dun hav.i din believe her at first.she has records of joking and kidding abt serious things.so i kept asking her "really?are u sure?''while eating xiao long bao in din thai fung at tampines mall.went to popular after tt to buy some stuff.bought a sketch bk.wanted to do some drawing.dunno how long will my interest last. dun want to write le.so sian.

2005-04-13T22:12:00.000+08:00

today,basically i am HAPPY!!wat a rare occasion.lets celebrate!!but still quite sad leh.my classmates.*big sigh*i dun look like a tissue paper dealer,do i?abuse my kindness. used up almost 3 packets.*big big sigh*. but art lesson is totally great.mr lim*clap clap*,mr lim*clap clap*....he is such a nice teacher.din critisize my so called master piece.even teach me how to draw.praised my shading too. :) at the end of the lesson,we were squatting at the table,he was teaching me how to measure.wat a sweet and awakward moment.but enjoy it lots.his drawing is so pro.discovered that he is a left hander.no wonder so artistic.shall learn to write with my left hand too.but doubt that i will become any more clever than now.chinese was first period.kind of spoilt my day but it went fine.kind of guilty looking at ngoh lao shi tho.own him lots of compos which i seem to hate so much now.its such a waste of time.but i am always very proud of watever i hav written.but lots of time and energy and brain cells are needed in order for 1 gd compo to pop out.those things that i am lacking badly. maths ok lah.PE was fun.i was quite a gd batter.jus tt the ball went wrong direction le.oh ya,found out tt my dominant eye is left altho i felt tt i am a heavy right side person as in i always tot that my right hand is stronger and so is my right leg.but doesnt seem to be true sometimes. hey,quite sure tt both my right and left brain are equally small.-_-'cant help it lah.not my fault.after sch was gd to the power of gd until i went for tuition.mr lim was arranging the art stuff when i came down.then i went to buy drink (i wasnt tt thirsty tho, ahem,ahem,noe wat i mean?).then he saw me and he ask:" hey,how come u r still here?" i paused for a few seconds b4 replying :"erm...i hav tuition later" oh man,my heart was pumping like mad.weird leh,every time i answer teacher's qns , need to stone for a few min b4 my mouth can come out with a reply. but i always think that the teacher would think tt i am try to think of a lie to tell.there was a bunch of HCI pupils wo came to admire our art gallery.no wonder mr lim was there. din see any shuaige tho.except for one of cos.hahaz. toking abt HCI tootie toots.i was sort of toking to my ex p sch classmate who is now one of the toot toots on msn.he forgot all abt me,a girl who fights with him all the time,in words or actions.dumbo.kind of fun.bluffing him with all sorts of nonsense.zhiwen is so much better than him.my first real crush.will always rmb him as zhiwen durin my p4 years.met sgt p and sgt ruth at the bus stop.they boarded the same 171 as me,along with my x psgl,peishan.was reading princess diaries. din notice wat they doing behind.got down at my stop and hurried off.gonna late for tuition le.model pupil?my tuition teacher say i am a model pupil?there mus be a big mistake.a really big one.ask wu liao lao shi and see if he will say the same.over his dead body i think.sgt rachel is online.miss her sometimes.dunno how is she doing in jc.so kpo,told u i am KPO le but like nobody even care to believe me.backstabbing is my hobby,u noe.thats the evidence of me being KPO.still dun believe?i give up.gd nite.going to try to finish at least one compo today.let it be the one i hav to hand up within this week or get 0 then.it was 2 months late to be in deatils. :(( (when did i hav double chin?)

2005-03-25T16:46:00.000+08:00

todae go to church quite reluctantly.so sleepy.regret going.the speaker today came from hong kong.not only cannot understand his chinese,he speak soooooooooooo slow that i was having a hard time keeping awake.but if i sleep then not very respectful so very miserable eh.keep fidgeting.after that meet my ma and bro in orchard.dui dui went to bedok stadium to do her pimboic cheerleading. haha,my bro very unhappy to see me which makes me very happy!!went to kinokuniya to read some bks.then went for lunch.coffee club is the restaurant that was chosen.ate seafood something somthing(cant remember the name). had iced cappuchino for desert.damn bitter.the really nice cute looking guy was at the cashier.when he smile,saw that he is wearing braces.tt makes him look even cuter. muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! went back to kinokuniya after lunch cos mama not done with her reading. i am a very weird person lor.every time i went to kinokuniya,i ended up reading my own book. haha.mama quite pissed off with bro. haha.he brought it upon himself.three of us slept on the train.so tired.thats abt all.hey hey,long time never see shuaige le.think singapore doesnt have tt many shuai ge ard,if not now come i never see de.that toot eileen arh,very toot leh,shall give her the title of silly pok.haha.quoted from hsuan :wats the use of the existance of shuaige if we cant look at them?" :) there is one big shuai ge in our sch!!u dunno who?oh my goodness!!beat u to pulps!!

2005-03-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

ok,long time never blog again.how come i am always saying this?dui dui's comp a bit weird but definitely works better than mine.alright,lets have a summary of wats going on in my life for the past 2 weeks or so.lets be very systematic if not nothing will come out from my (thinking of a word to desribe but found none) brain.last monday:went for geog make up lesson.nobody to do project with.as usual.nvm.still hav myself.went home really early and decided to read some bks in th library.oh ya,tuesday is outdoor activity.juniors not very respectful to sec3 seniors and us.was thinking if the sec3s were thinking that we are disrespectful when we are in sec1s.sorry if we are,we were jus some stupid kids back then. wednesday:stay at home,wait for mould to grow but it din.actually i didnt stay at home for the whole day.went to library and had old mcdonald for lunch.did some hw but too insignificant.thursday:went for bio tuition.finish male reproductive system note copying.quite proud of myself.i am somebody tt needs a huge push from behind.nothing gets done with only myself,sad to say tt,not enough determination. friday: think i din do anything,cant rmb.XDsaturday:maths tuition in the morning.after tt meet up with my best p sch friend.meet old mcdonald again.wanted to watch "hitch" but jus not in the mood.shaw plaza is so boring tt we jus went up and down the escalator.our favourite subject: boys.always tease each other abt tt.end it with mcflurry oreo. sunday: went to church.read the bible while the preacher preach.din really hear a single thing.midnight:still rushing hw.as usual.no big deal.monday:worst day of the week:very busy.got scolded.dun wanna tok abt it.bio tuition again.lost consciousness on the train.tuesday:????????????no idea wat i had done.was casualty with eileen and ferly.had a great time. herb....herb..herbherbherb. rebaca was looking at me with this questioning face while the others laugh their head off.xy was quite nice altho she was really cold,-100 degree celcius at least.c was very caring.quite touched by her tiny reminder.Night:tok to yijing and rebaca on the msn.silly yijing was very funny.i noe shes attached. long ago.yup.full stop.thats my private life and i hav no intention of saying it out loud.still conservative de u noe.today:footdrill like comedy leh.everyone laughing here and there.my command very nice rite,i knew it.went to see online progress report.was totally shock to see EE in the "she is enthu in the subject"for science.was thinking ms chee must have made a mistake.sexual reproductive system quite interesting tho.to silly toot toot hsuan:jiayou k,dun give up cos i haven give up on u.yet.

2005-03-19T15:47:00.000+08:00

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2005-03-18T15:49:00.000+08:00

holiday going to end in 2 days time,so sad,homework is still as high as a mountain.think i shall not post abt lifeskills camp and outdoor activity.if u want details abt them,pls make use of the links and visit my squaddies blogs.its vry sian if every blog u visit talks abt the same thing.she din update for a very long time le.she must be very busy.sgt c always ask me if i am excited abt training camp,quiz team,comp team,nco course but i like not very interested and enthu abt them.dunno why.but i quite look forward to training camp.the pace is much faster than lifeskills camp.i like it.wonder wat the 7 of them gonna give us.heard tt their proposals have been rejected over and over again,so it must be something good. hate algebra so much.for the past few days,i hav been writing either x or y or z.so wu liao.still got lots of things not done yet.why cant we have 48 hours a day?but dui dui say even if i hav 48 hours,i will still waste it away.quite true.who ask me to hav poor time management.after thinking abt it,i decided not to like 2 pple at once,shall be very loyal."i am sorry but i cant give u the love u want."anyway,there are too many pple loving her le.i wanted to talk abt many stuff but when i start posting,i forgot everything.too bad.poor memory.jus telling those that are wondering why the ncos are so gross and disgusting,they learn it from nco course which means sooner or later we will become like them.

2005-03-03T15:56:00.000+08:00

I AM TOTALLY PISSED OFF BY NCOS,SQUADMATES,FRIENDS AND BLAH,BLAH,BLAH.OK TT DOESNT INCLUDE EILEEN,HAPPY? EVERYTHING IS WRONG!!!!NOTHING IS RIGHT!!!!OK,PARTLY MY FAULT.THE FIRST WRONG THING IS COMING TO THIS WORLD,FILLED WITH SELFISHNESS, DISCRIMINATION,PREJUDICE,INEQUALITY(??),DARKNESS, EVIL.EXCUXE ME,WHERE IS THE PEACE AND TRNQUILITY THAT WE NEEDED MOST??WHERE DID IT GO??CANT THIS JUS BE SIMPLE AND FILLED WITH LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER??WHY??TELL ME WHY??SO BLOODY,BUT THIS IS THE REALITY.

2005-03-02T15:07:00.000+08:00

sorry for the confusion of the posts.jus try to make out wat i am trying to say.ok,on monday,i saw her.HER!!!!so happy,so happy.long time no see le.screaming with the x sec4s altho its none of my business.found her hiding in the crowd instantly.as beautiful as ever.nice short hair and ear rings.i want to cut my hair like tt too.oh,cl ll got 9A1s.not bad,expected lah.dare not ask her wat she got.later she tot i was a nuisance.blah,blah,blah.
now is wednesday.she came to ny!!!!wats she doing here with the ever second beautiful hui xin??gd thing i went down for lunch break.if not cannot see her le.blah,blah,blah.dun want to continue,u all noe my heart can already le.thats all.some thing are jus not to be seen in blogs.understand?no?too bad,not my business anyway.XD

2005-03-01T16:09:00.000+08:00

I am so sorry,sgt rachel for typing ur link wrongly.now then i realise.cant believe i forgot to bring the draft post with me when i came to the comp lab.shall do it when i get home.Muahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!so happy.

2005-02-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

Special post just for Sgt Rachel
so nice to hear from you!!feels great to noe tt u care abt us.But.....we are not well!!we r struggling in a horrible state.we r not doin well at all.the squad is on e edge of splitting apart.obviously Cl shuyan's way of bonding isnt working.she said to let nature take its course.things get more complicated with the sec1s coming in.CCA orientation:i was wearing hongzi cos i forgot to bring black socks.scaring all the sec1s with my slashed wrist.earn myself 50 pumpings.quitted 3rd lang but regretting a tiny wenny bit sometimes.our dear ic is doing a really "fine" job.she almost never come for any meetings.valerie was quite fed up cos we were making too much noise & she had to shout like a shrewd woman.i was making trouble,telling lame jokes.our welcome party was a total disaster.playing stoopid wacko.me and buddy jus sat there looking dumb.ncos had to stop and move on to food.i din even get to hit e person i wanted to.i brought silly round fishballs.and a packet of marshmallow using my own $$ to treat sec1s.things never turn out e way i wanted it to.by the way,celia cried when she realise she was the duty ic for tt day.we laughed and make lots of noise at the sj board.
Sec1's first real cca.we had pt.b4 tt,i told my buddy not to look for me cosshe wont be able to find me since i am always the last one.
last cca,we had fun during first aid lessons with sgt ruth.den the worst footdrill dropped upon us.we suffered both physically & mentally under the occupation of sgt qq.she lower my self-esteem from 0 to -100.
last of all,wish u all the best for ur results.sgt celest ting ting too.Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

2005-02-17T16:54:00.000+08:00

i changed my blogskin but not very happy with it.shall search for better ones next time.

2005-02-04T13:42:00.000+08:00

hello i am back again.feeling so sleepy jus during compre tt.dunno wat to post cos i forget everything liao.posting because i am bored.eileen is doing her flash.ok,i remembered.HOW DARE THEY REJECT OUR PROPOSAL!!!altho i din really contribute much into it,but its totally disgusting to see them flush my squadmates' effort down the stupid drain.WATS THEIR PROBLEM LOH!!they are not from aep,so picky for wat.anyway,we went to watch SCO performing in audi during assembly and they were really capable of producing nice music.altho i was very sleepy,i still enjoy it.then i tot of quitting sj and join co.haha.i hope she dun see my blog eh.dun dare to write anything abt her le.then wats the purpose of this blog?shall delete it.pratising calligraphy during yesterday's chinese lesson.my words were horrible even tho i try very hard to write properly.good for nothing chu yu hsuan.get use to it.maths sucks cos i dun understand anything mrs see say.she is like rushing and rushing and rushung.worse of all,i dun even noe wats my problem.pissed off with myself and the toot ncos.but there is one exception.she stands out among the 7 of them.actually there r 2.yup.and that worm can get lost for all i care.mr lim is really nice nice NICE!!wahahahahahahahahahahahaha.jus received a "walk for fund" card from the school.hate this kind of thing.i am somebody tt loves face.its very difficult for me to ask money from others.even my mother.jus cant bring myself to do it.the target is $150.wonder when will i get that amount.anyway,first time in history tt we are going back to taiwan during cny.have been thinking wat i want and need to buy.only agreed to go back cos no need to take leave from sch.lunch break going to over soon.dance is next but never bring pe shirt.actually it wasnt washed.and i only have 1 at the moment,thanks to congrui.saying sorry isnt necessary,jus give me my shirt.

2005-01-20T16:03:00.000+08:00

I noe,i noe,i one year never update le but i jus dun hav the time to.
MUS FORGIVE ME! its not my fault that one day only has 24 hrs.
ITS NOT ENOUGH!! ok,i shld stop shouting coz i already lost my voice.
Well,a new year has started.
I decided to turn over a new leaf and try to be a better person than last year.
I go for lessons on time(in fact,i am always the first one to reach) and i take down every word teacher say.
I go for tuition form day to night.
The time i stay in my house is shorter(more like my hotel since i only go back to sleep).
The results i got is not tt bad.
Having fruitful day.
My mortal is always hurrying me to give her letter.
She takes the same sch bus as me!!She lives in tampines.By the way,my nick is silverback gorilla for the moment.
I change many times liao.
She is still on my mind but not all the time.
I told myself not to bother her again but obviously its not happening.
whenever i am sad and i mean very sad,i look to her for comfort.
She always make me feel much better.
In some way,i did grow up to be more mature to face the year 2005.
As for the china trip,it was totally FUN!!
But we regreted inviting a friend along coz she spoils some of our happiness.
And we were totally sorry that we left the three toot toot alone in our house.
Our ever beautiful flat was ruined by them.
The floor is sticky,the dishes are oily and ants are invading!!
I got so tired of killing them that now they are allow to roam freely in my rm.
And eileem noe abt the Cl Liling incident but i never meet her again.
Out of a sudden,CCA seem to suck to the core.Hell is the word.
Anyway,i got angry with them and my greeting and timing gets deeper and louder.
Dunno if its gd or bad.
But sometimes the witches will show some kindness to us.
So altho i curse them sometimes,i like them other times.
Ok,my mortal val dear jus told me she noe my name le.
Faster than me last time.
I had no idea who is little lamb.
Guess i hav to go,coz my sis never bring house key and she is being locked outside.
Serve her right for not learning her lesson.
Did i ever mention tt Ms Chee and "Mr Lim" are very nice teachers?
Giant panda,Silverback gorilla,Penguin,Shamu,Giraffe and Snoopy are nice!!
P.S they dun hav any special meanings by the way.
Always love my self.=_=

2004-11-14T01:48:00.000+08:00

14 November 2004 01:25AM
Been many days since i came back to my native land.Having a really lazy life here.I wont wake up until 12.30pm and never close my eyes b4 2.30am.we went to visit granny b4 going shopping and the days pass quickly.my poor granny is getting skinnier.she cant stop coughing.feeling very very very very sad seeing her like that.she dont deserve that.it isnt fair.but this is life.i noe but i dont want to accept it.i think its 12 Nov that i experienced my first earthquake.maybe not but i cant rmb others.the floor jus started shaking like nobodys business.i was watching tv.it ended like after 10 sec.believe me,u never want to go through such thing.forget to tell u that my aunt has a dog call baby.hes some sort of scottish terrier.really cute.but hes totally obsessed with my aunt.bring him out to do his business some time ago.me is getting fat.feeling vex.coz i cant find anything suitable for her birthday.and hers too.and i am leaving on monday.wat the !@#$%^&*.time is running out.:( sis is rushing me,got to go.byebye.o<]:)

2004-11-01T21:05:00.000+08:00

I noe i long time never blog but i must remember this day.
The day i was accidentally in love.
28 Oct 2004
2 something:really anxious that we haven start rm duty.

2.30 something:finally finish rm duty,rush out of the sch gate with eileen.saw her and rebaca waiting in the canteen.Heart beat 500/min.

3 something:rush back with speed 300km/hr.she was still there.so very glad.but the four toots went to sac for aircon while i am sweating like mad.not very happy abt it.getting mad at them for not coming out and taking their own sweet time.

Dunno wats the time:those big ladies finally came out but she went to sac.celia went to invite her out.

Finally everyone was there.Sang birthday song to ourselves.She clapped for us.Thats good enough.Me trying hard to cut the cake.Having a really difficult time coz she was there.celia suggested that she cut the cake instead.Me went to contact some pple who might be in sch to eat the cake with us.No reply.Heard that she was sighing at each piece she cut.Finally got everything ready.Nobody made a move.The silence that follow is killing.The air is perfectly still.Then after sometime,we start eating the cake.My hand was shaking and shaking and shaking,a little better than when i was at sj camp.She was sitting beside steffi and opposite me.
Trying to resist looking at her,jus occassionally a few glimpse.The atmosphere was weird.Awkard i would say.I could never describe in details abt how i feel at that moment.Sweet,sour,bitter,spicy,they were all mixed up together.The scene was getting really weird.Everyone was giggling,i mean the sec1 toots of coz.Then i suggest we toast to our happiness.Wat a lame thing to do.Haix.And we did.Me wished her gd luck for "O".She say she need it.I was totally flattered.Rebaca say it was time for them to leave."No,please dont go!!"thats wat my heart says but my mouth say "bye".guess thats kou shi xin fei.Heard that she was licking her finger coz it had chocolate on it.Miss the sexy act coz i was afraid to look up.Who dares to look at the person she likes right in the face?I would faint for sure.Before she left,she gave a really meaningful speech.Why didnt i record it down?Why didnt i bring camera to take down this rare moment?*hits chest like a gorilla*She told us to get along well with ncos,be mature.Is it considered a praise when she say we are the most enthu juniors she ever seen?Wat else did she say?I cant rmb coz i was looking at her with this love sick look.To be honest,i can feel it.I can imagine wat expression I had on my face.There were 2 hearts on my eyeball.We shouted bye to her before she disappear.It was like a dream.But it was real this time.Bull shit to stories that say this kind of thing only happen in dreams.My heart was filled with joy.I wanted to laugh till the sky drop down on me.I would die happily.Altho the time with her is short but its more than enough.Coz i noe that eileen will never hav a chance with cl ll and hu shen with cl shuyan.I should be contented.And i am.Went to the library to deliver cake to whom-must-not-be-mentioned-in-blogs.There were 2 of them.Too bad,they had to share the cake.Who cares.Every time i tot abt it,i would start smiling like a total idiot.I noe it but i dont care.It was a true and real smile from the bottom of my heart and this moment doesnt come easily.
29 Oct 2004
Worst prize giving ceremony i hav ever attend.That girl who shall not be revealed brings out the devil in me.She totally irritates and disgust me.I cannot stand a second with her,she made me want to rip her flesh,suck her blood and cook her bone.She made me rmb all the work i did for her when its her job.Me is sulking to the fullest.
(Colour of shit to show how sulky i am)
30 Oct 2004
Went to pasir ris park with church youth group.Didnt noe a single soul there.It was a hoorible telematch.The games we played were so gross that i wish i never agree to go.And the forfeit made me want to puke.
31 Oct 2004
Went to church in the morning.Went to farrer park to eat buk ku teh with a bunch of old women and little kids."stop giving me food,i hav hands,i can do it myself!!"feeling really pissed off.went home and slept from 4 something to 8 something.Didnt bother to go out with them to eat chicken rice in katong.was sleeping like i am never going to wake up.was reading books when the rest of the family were snoring away.u noe,those 2 kids talks in their sleep.scared the hell out of me.
1 Nov 2004
went out with my girlfriends today.suppose to go swimming but it didnt work out.*ahem ahem*went to far east plaza after eating at cafe wadever.it was raining lions and tigers.took neoprints.steffi couldnt control herself again.Expected.Walk aimlessly ard,our usual habit.Sad to depart with them.Was having chit chat session with eileen on 171 when we are heading towards FEP.The topic is u noe who lah.I am very happy to meet her and hav her as some sort of friend.Eileen say i am the luckiest among us.Guess so.Stared to smile like an idiot again.Jus cant help it lah.
The end
this is not the last entry before i go.will try to sneak some time to say good bye before i go back to taiwan.so thats abt all then.
P.S the reason i din come on line was that i hav been sleeping b4 the clock strikes 9,damn early,din watch tv too.
P.S.S its weird to see *@** in hongzi instead of transparent councillor blouse.
P.S.S.S Cindi is the president .Expected.Voted for her.
Once again before we go,this time,lets cross our fingers and wish gd luck for her o's.
Jia You ,Giant Panda!!U can do it!!
o<]:) Merry Christmas!!
(invented this by myself)
See ya,guys!!

2004-10-16T11:07:00.000+08:00

Yesterday is a disaster.Not really.Early bird gets the cong.Thats why i got up at 5.00 in the morning when the sun is not even up(see how qin lao i am)to take shower.Then the sch bus came and i was on my way to NYGH,my beloved sch.Cant believe we skip flag raising and missed seeing my ginat panda.Arrgh!!Horrible,horrible!!Changing into full u is time and energy consuming.Altho we spent so much time on it,we still get scolded in the end."yu hsuan,ur socks hav creases."Just that sentence made my effort go down the drain.Wat the ~!@#$%^&*!!
I didnt noe we are so popular and famous that they want to film us.Tot wat,we are actresses or stars arh.Made my life so busy.But in a way ,thats good,better than stay at home and rot.The marching part is horrible.First i march too fast then i hit jiahui's hand and next i started marching same hand same foot after walking up the steps.No wonder i feel so weird.But we are like so extra there.Its like not enough pple and then we have to go so the scene will be nicer.I am confusing myself.Stop half way to read eileen's blog.

I am back after dunno how many days coz lab close at that point of time.Today is 18 oct 2004.The purple words are typed on 15 oct.Right.Yesterday was GOOD!! Worked very hard.Carry tons and tons of newspaper.Good exercise.Mary Chia or Jean Yip or watever slimming centre have to close down liao coz i dont need them at all.My slimming method is F-O-C!!Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!Called sgt rachel somewhere during noon and woke her up from her sleep.So sorry.After that,we went to tampines mall to shop.Sgt rachel is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice to tell us cl lls birthday.She is a libra TOO!!Went home to see sean and his mum in our house.They came for dinner.We had black pepper crab.Didnt eat much tho.Wasnt that hungry.Just tired and headache.Toking abt that,during newspaper thingy,i think i carried a pile thats too heavy and i was out of breath and my heart was in great pain.Lucky no one noticed.Back to my house.Fall asleep when sean was playing the violin and my sis the piano.Before that I watched pearl harbor on channel 5 altho i watched the vcd b4.That stupid movie,made my josh harnett die,ben affleck should be the one marh.Last time he wanted to marry jennifer lopez,say so many times yet in the end they broke up.Wat nonsense.Was telling giant panda that and i fell asleep.

Shall tok abt today then.Saw giant panda.Nice as ever.Haha.Sore legs and hands are horrible things to hav.Make me feel lazy.I pass all my english papers but the results are not that nice to see.Just below average.I guess.Couldnt see gp during recess today coz the time is different.Arrgh!!We were released at 12 something.Had our bench meeting again.Cl ll is 1st in her class,so clever.Cl shuyan is 2nd in hers.Cant believe eileen cried becoz of that.Tears of joy.But is she sure that its not mucus?Haha.Dani came to eat noodle.She wasnt drinking apple and aloe vera.I think its blackcurrant and aloe vera.Not too sure,it was too far away.So gp is in the library.Nothing secretive.I was thinking that she is in somewhere dark alone, doing illegal science experiment when she told me that she is in some palce where food cannot be consumed.Crazy imagination i hav here.Yunlin and rebaca called cl ll and cl shuyan to gong xi them.Using my phone but i dont mind.As long as they dont try to change my contact's name in my phone.*wink wink*like wat they did on sun and i couldnt find her name.Got kind of worried then.They called sgt rachel too.Passed the phone to me.But i dunno wat to say.I said bye to her in the end and she hang up.I am now at the library too.But my intention is NOT to see her,ok?I dont hav bad intention.Ya,rite.Only idiot would believe me.Haha.Yup,thats abt all i guess.
NEVER forget our chant: GIANT PANDA ROX!!

2004-10-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

So sian today.So boring.Wake up at 10.30 to listen to my bro play violin,wat a torture to my ear.Doing nothing all day.Rotting and decomposing.Then i realise i took it all for granted.I complained about my freedom and it was taken away.Ren zhi called me at 10 something and drop a bomb.Then i started to get really busy as calls came in.I wondered wats wrong with my squadmates.Isnt my msg clear?and then they have to ask me those unnecessary questions.Dont u noe wat we normally bring for cca?Why do i hav to repeat myself over and over again?Then i got fed up and my voice get louder and u say i shout at u.HELLO,i hav things to complete and i am in a rush yet u are stopping me from doing my job which actually isnt suppose to be my job.Cant u all be cooperative just for that tiny little bit.I noe my ma isnt very happy abt these things,when seniors call at night and then i hav to call my squadmates.But too bad,i still have to do it,its part of my cca.But next time dont call so late please.I hav little time to get things done and will disturb pple since its so late.Cant reach some pple too.Thats me, love to complain and grumble over tiny little things.But i got so nervous just now that i almost went to get my bottle of beer in the fridge.Drank ice peach tea instead coz that beer is limited edition.My one and only.Resisted the temptation to msg her today coz she feel that its a waste.Miss her lots.And *@** too.should hav gone to sch today.Its 100 times better than staying at home and do nothing.Its not that i dont want to do anything,its that i cant find anything to do.Dont ask me to do housework.I am not that type.Lesson learned today:never take things for granted or god might hear it and take away ur privilege.Reminder for self:stop complaining.Daily chant:giant panda rox!!
Bye folks!!

2004-10-12T13:49:00.000+08:00

Today is such a beautiful day.Sunny,nice temperature and quite windy and warm.Perfect day to be in..........................................................Sch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats why hu shen,eileen,steffi and i are in sch again.I was late for half an hour coz i couldnt WAKE UP!! i was having such a nice dream but i forgot wat dream.
I met those three in the library.They are kind of stoning and doing nothing when i entered.We went to the tyre swings and swing to our hearts content.
Then we went back to the benches to start our club meeting.We just sat there and chat and nothing else.Wahahahahahahahahahahaha,wat a comfortable and casual life we have here.
We went to jog then,one of the activities we have to do and thats why we came to sch.On the previous nite,my ma was asking why cant i run in pasir ris park instead since my house is so near that toot park.But the difference is theres a giant panda in sch and theres none in pasir ris park!!She will never understand tho.And all my friends are here.I will so lonely running in the park.
We ran and ran and ran for 2 rounds around the school.Wat an achievement!! "round of applause for the four of us!"Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Was surprised that giant panda can type and send sms that fast.I always hav difficulty with those buttons.After jogging,we continued our meeting.Recess arrived then.Had to start searching and admiring pple again.Today,we hav 2 looking at gp.Steffi has love for her too!!I think *@** cut her hair.She was so cute walking on the bench.Deeply in love with her.Hohohohohohohohohoho!!
Gp was totally cool when walking towards her bench.Her hair was flyinga a little and her skirt was swaying.Her face was really cool without any expression on it.Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
We ran across the quadrangle too.Just love the wind when u run really fast.Enjoyed the run to the fullest.*@** is so CUTE!! Cutie pie!!
Can u see the hearts that appear in my eyes when they come down for recess.Call me love sick coz i am.Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
In the library at third floor,updating my blog now.Today is a good day to be happy!! Good day to u all ladies,enjoy it!!
Before i go,lets not forget our daily routine,say it all together,
"Giant panda rox!!"
Bye folks!!Love ya 0_O

2004-10-11T16:07:00.000+08:00

Hi,back again.Today is the last day of exam,hip,hip,hooray!!Wat the ~!@#$%^&*,finally over,so tired.Hu shen,eileen,celia and i went to orchard today.We didnt noe where to go and came to sch.Then i found out my giant panda went to orchard on a date!!So happy for her.She is not left on the shelf after all.Haha.Tell u arh,these three pple are sick in their mind,toturing poor shit like froggy.They were having so much fun.Dont ask me to join them,i am still a human,unlike them.Tomorrow and tomorrow's tomorrow and tomorrow's tomorrow and tomorrow's tomorrow no need to go to sch,dunno wat to do at home,must go and borrow romance books to read if not will bored to death.Start decomposing at home.Didnt see *@** today.Dunno where did she go.But i saw giant panda with pretty hui xin today.Haha.Not too bad.Screwed up my maths paper2.But forgot all abt it already.Until now.And i fail my geog too for CA2.But i still prefer geog to history.Dont ask me why.Today is hu shen's birthday and its a special day.Everyone's birthday is a special day.Wonder wats gp doing in orchard now.???????????
Before i go today,lets say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! to hu shen and of coz our daily chant:Giant panda ROX!!guess my blog turning into giant panda temple soon....

2004-10-09T17:41:00.000+08:00

at home alone now,doing nothing coz i dont feel like doing anything.finish reading a really sad book today.theres this girl whose father had severe depression and committed suicide using a gun to shoot himself in the head.his ma,wife and daughter were very sad.after reading,i decided not to commit suicide easily.those whom i leave behind will be very miserable.anyway,i dont hav a reason to die at the moment.to be honest,i am quite happy and content.just that my headache is getting worse.even when i sleep ,the pain is still there.maybe i sleep too long.it has become part of me and i try not to bother abt it too much,stupid head,thats all i can say.in a holiday mood altho monday still got maths paper2.after that,we will be free.maybe should start looking for a new sch coz i will either get retain or kick out of the sch.maybe should emigrate to another country where nobody noe me and start afresh.haha.not much serious business today,a lazy and slacking saturday.

2004-10-08T13:07:00.000+08:00

hi,long time no write.yesterday was my birthday and one of the best ever.giant panda sent her blessing in the morning.feeling so xin fu!!and my dear friends hu shen,eileen,celia,jia hui and steffi.so sweet !!in a really good mood.cl shuyan and cl liling sent their greetings too.another happy occassion is coming soon,after exam,shall not say anything for now.giant panda didnt come to sch today.so sad,lost my source of motivation.science paper was fine.but i hate physics,i am definitely choosing bio.bio rox!!went out to have dinner to celebrate my arrival to this world.not too bad.saw *@** today.she was as beautiful as ever.she was drinking nescafe and eating waffle.the way she eat is so lady like,just like giant panda.then she went to the bench that gp goes in the morning and was waving this stick,oh man, like a fairy waving her magic wand.forgot to tell u,i treated gp to grass jelly but i regretted coz that drink is cold and she shouldnt be drinking cold drinks when shes having that one.not too sure abt that,dont believe my rubbish.hope she isnt sick becoz of that,i will never forgive myself then.cl shuyan and cl liling had milo while the rest of me frends had Qoo white grape ice.back to *@**.then recess was over and suddenly she ran and glide across in front of me!!!my mouth was wide opened with admiration.her hair was flying,her skirt was floating.thats colours of the wind.too bad never see gp run like that,my eyes will pop out for sure.we had been hard working.we stay in the canteen to study during recess,then went to the library and went back to the canteen again.we did all these for a special purpose.we search for cl ll and cl sy during recess,meet gp and *@** in the library and watch them eat in the canteen again.haha,how fun.they were having an illegal gathering at the benches one day but dont ask me which day coz i forgot.we had a yummy feast for our lecherous eyes.kind of angry at them coz they didnt include gp.but guess gp doesnt care a damn anyway.there are two shit like baby froggy in the pond.eileen the dark chocolate and celia and hu shen had so much fun torturing them poor fellows but eileen is the queen of all evil.i was laughing so much that i got choked by green tea for dunno how many times.exams coming to an end,the crimson serpent doomed itself to death for its greediness. haha.had fun in the midst of suffering.not too bad.shall get really busy after exams.busy for wat?busy having fun of coz.merry christmas,everyone!!thats abt all,bye folks.Before i go,lets all say this together:Giant panda rox!!
Love ya

2004-09-17T14:29:00.000+08:00

Haha,long long time never blog !!Today got time,try to write something.I am fine .Not too bad. Days are normal.Sec4s having prelims.I let my giant panda return to the wild.I didnt think of her as much nowadays.Eileen and i are having fun jogging.The air is fresh and i like it.There are a lot of snails around.Celia,hu shen,eileen and i found many of the snail couples dead this morning.They were hugging each other tightly.Hu say they are mating when they die,i say they are acting out titanic old couple.Didnt see Cpl Celestine today.She always smile to us in the morning.Her smile is sweet.Saw giant panda too coz we purposely wait for her arrival at the netball court.She had a sip of water at the water cooler.Totally memerized by that.That toot eileen is beside me now.She doesnt go up to classroom in the morning.She stays in the canteen for a special purpose but she dont allow me to announce to the whole world.But if u r smart enough,u will noe.That fat and chubby senior studying there.Exams coming soon,a little bit stressed by that.That stupid headache came back,killing me with more power,determined to kill the most pretty and sexy yu hsuan.My ma did nothing but gave me panadol,a stupid pill to eat.It did nothing to reduce my misery.Sleeping lots lately. Went to pick up lana cake with ma who came to wait for me at the school gate.The chocolate was disgustingly tasty.Now i noe where to buy her birthday cake.Theres a swiss butchery too.Ma went to buy some weird sausage.Did nothing much during the pathetic 1 week holiday.Annual general inspection was fun.We screamed our head off.Went back very late though.my promise of studying hard was broken once again.haha,just like usual.saw her one day.Not that her,its my the other her.She was sucking a straw and i find that totally cute.Wahahahahahahahahahahaha...................Altho my the other her dont like this her but i still kind of like her anyway.We came a list of medusa ncos recently.To ensure my own safety,it will not be revealed here.But they are all X ncos.of coz my gp,shuyan are not included.there is a mad woman beside me right now.xiao woman.today got that stupid mid autumn festival celebration.I WAS FORCED TO COME!!watever,never mind lah,admire the moon with pple and thinking that my gp is the chang er,smiling at me from the moon.wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......................................toking nonsense but i like it and enjoy it to the fullest.i think thats abt all, bye folks.

2004-09-02T16:29:00.000+08:00

Its been forever since i last blog.i hate being 15.Not yet to be exact.Still have 1 month to go.I was sad then happy then sad again then happy.So tired of that.But i always feel better after toking to my giant panda.She always have great advice for me.She would come to me in the form of an angel and save me from my misery.But sometimes,she IS the source of my misery.Saw my progress report just now.Most of the teacher wrote "yu hsuan needs to hand up her work on time".Haha.Not a bit sad abt it.Dont ask me why.Holidays are coming.I am going to make full use of the pathetic 1 week to study.Didnt realise that time passes so fast and 1 year is almost gone.When i was small,i wonder how long would it take to grow,i tot its going to be very long but obviously i am wrong.Slept 2 hours yesterday,coz i was engrossed in that stupid book.Head was damn heavy this morning.Didnt eat as much as i usually eat for breakfast.Feel kind of sulky.I learnt my lesson.Sleeping is the essence of life.No sleep,no life.That's for me.But when i lay on bed this morning,i couldnt sleep at once,i was fully awake.Then when i wake up, i had this feeling that i didnt sleep at all.Drank a can of coffee during recess.But it doesnt seem to work.I keep yawning during chinese culture but i didnt fall asleep and start drooling like last week.I dont dare to face her in school.Altho i want to see her so much but when i saw her,i pretend that she wasnt there.The bench is always empty nowadays.She must be very busy.Lab is closed,cant tell u much,byebye.

2004-08-19T15:47:00.000+08:00

i am in the com lab again,dunno doing wat.let me tell you some grandmother story.on tuesday,i was in a bad mood or is it wednesday,i dunno,cant remember.i got scolded my ma a lot lately,coz she caught me on the msn and she will say"say byebye right away".i was quite annoyed but did it anyway.i realised something,i must occupy every minute and second of my life.i cannot hav free time,especially when i am alone.i will start to think all sorts of nonsense and my mind got really confused and there will be chaos.i was in the toilet bathing yesterday,that's the worst,no wonder i hate bathing.while i was scratching my hair with head and shoulders shampoo,the mind start to hav thinking of its own.then all the nonsense came out.but that made me discovered something.i never really understand this person call chu yu hsuan.she was some stranger to me.she was too hard and complicated to understand.i feel lost.and i cant get out of the mess.it was an endless black hole which i cannot save myself from it.i feel like a loser and i am a loser.jia hui is beside me now,doing something illegal.like buying and selling drugs that will make you fall in love with star 16 when you eat it online.but i dont think she will sell any to her squadmates.haha.wait,wrong track,i am suppose to be depressed and sad.switch mood.i am depress and sad now.i saw her sitting at that bench in the morning.and gp was on that bench almost everyday.i just cant help but stare at her and forget that i am having lesson.it was a struggle not to look at her.she is so beautiful coz her heart is.i wanted to tok to her yesterday coz i had some problems and i believed that she has some solutions or good advice coz she always has when i tok to her.i look up to her as my teacher who can solve all my emotional problems.but before she came or maybe she didnt,i fell asleep reading a book.then i wasnt feeling ok.had that breakfast club this morning.which was boring.i trued to look out for her but she never appear.she was at the bench during my lit lesson.the way she swing her hair back was different from dani's but just as charming and attractive.too bad i dont hav any hair to swing.when i went downstairs with yunlin during recess,i saw her,gp,just for ur information,it's another her.i dunno why,i jus gasped and she looked at me.i was embarrassed.i shouldnt recall wat happened to me coz the nonsense will come back.can somebody tell me why am i being haunted by unhappy memory all these years.they will just come out whenever they like and get the peacefulness out of me.they are just like the dementers(tell me if it's the wrong spelling)sucking up all my happiness and made me nothing but a souless skeleton.i cant remember anything happy at all but i remember every single detail how i made a fool out of myself.they hav become such a heavy burden that i am collapsing.why is the world like this or why am i like this.TELL ME WHY!it's driving me crazy.i am going insane.soon,i will change my address to woodbridge.is it better to be crazy and care abt nothing on this world or being so qing xing abt ur surroundings,abt all the evil and good things.i duno if i am making any sense.i think i lost all my senses and hav no idea how to get them back.kind of looking forward to x country.too bad i cant take pictures of gp while doing pub duty.wat a pity.anyway i respect her wish of not wanting to take pictures.my world is filled with her nowadays.there is no me, only her and her and her.my heart is beating becoz of her,i am breathing becoz of her.then where is chu yu hsuan?i dunno,maybe she's dead.long ago dead.her flesh was decomposed,her bone turned into ash and her ash was blown away.i hate myself for being so sinful.i dislike my personalities.i am like a heap of rubbish.sometimes i just wonder wat exactly is my purpose on earth.i hav no contribution,i noe nothing except making trouble and drag people around me into hell as well.i am sick.my heart is exhausted.i just wish to rest forever.i am freaking everybody out coz i am a freako.she's so pure and beautiful,shouldnt contaminate her any longer.it's time to let go,time to forget and time to perish.shall try not to pay so much attention on her,shall start daoing her.give me the strength to do that.time to say goodbye.time to say farewell.all will be over,i promise.but i hav to fulfill my last wish and she will be free of the devil.she will always be the angel in my heart.i hav never like or love someone so much.

2004-08-12T15:41:00.000+08:00

haven blogged for like forever coz i dun feel like.lets tok abt some history.national day celebration was fine.we all had been crazy and happy.went to mcdonald with some squadmates for lunch.went home after that.then the holidays start.lazing ard all day long.got scolded by ma.not feeling happy.ndp was boring.couldnt see my sis.curse the cameraman.then school start.haven finish hw.eileen own hu shen and me a favour coz we company her to buy some cd.read her blog.dunno how to feel or react.anyway,i am suppose to be over her.i think so but not too sure.today is thursday.i hate my class.they are disgusting.they think they can bully me juz becoz i am quiet and hav a i-am-a-good-girl look.they are too much.so sick of being with them.saw my another her while waiting to do rm duty at the coffin.she came somewhere near and gulp down a bottle of apple and aloe vera juice.totally cool.she's very shuai i should say.my mind is in a blank.it is in a mess.watch a video during science.dust mites,bacteria,fungi watever watever.they look kind of cute.i think she's getting further and further from me.we are not as close as before.gossiped abt celia on the way to sj room.that's wat yijing said.but we were juz discussing abt squadmate.haha.had a fun footdrill on wednesday.the world is too much for my little brain.its too complicated.i am confused coz she's confused.i want a brain wash so that i can forget her and her.i am tired.i feel so old that i am dying.in the past,i wanted to grow up quickly but now i juz want to go back to primary school life and be a innocent and ignorant baby.i like maths,it's getting interesting.i dun think i can be a doctor in the future since i cant absorb any science things into my brain.i dun understand myself.it's as if i turn into a total stranger.i dunno.i dun want to noe.wat do i dun want to noe,i dunno.guess i will get kick out of school at the end of the year.no school will want a stupid girl like me.soon i will be send to woodbridge and spend my life there.byebye.

2004-08-05T16:57:00.000+08:00

YAHOO!i am very very very HAPPY.sgt rachel juz donated her precious $2 to ME!and she signed her beautiful name on my card and suddenly my card start to shine!"yu hsuan,do u want ur donation or not!"that's wat she shouted across the canteen.my goodness!her voice was sweet like honey.then celia,hu shen and i are in the library now,doing dunno wat.we saw staff selene on second floor.i went to ask her yao bu yao juan qian and she replied no,simple and short.at least cl shuyan say more words than her.the woman who broke my tiny fragile glassy heart.nvm,sgt rachel mened it back.i am going to forget all the unhappy things.i sms my giant panda yesterday,asking the question i hav been asking everyone and u noe wat,she said no problem.i was going to faint on the train.i use the phone coz i am scared that i would be rejected right in the face again.i cant take that blow.i will die.the first blank is now filled with her beautiful name and i am leaving the second blank to hu shen since cl shuyan doesnt want her name to be inside.i like ms ng more and more.the words she said today makes sense.yesterday,after third lang,hu shen and i were sitting in the center's canteen and i finished a box of turtle jelly.i bet there are no jia yu left in hu shen's house coz all of them are swimming in my tummy now.haha.i was bloated after eating that.i am so sick of my brother.he's sick now and try to gain pity from people.he went to see doctor yesterday so he can get mc.he was showing off his mc to us when he came back.so irritating.yup,that's about all,folks.before i go,want to ask something,yao bu yao juan qian?haha.

2004-08-03T15:54:00.000+08:00

after six days,I am finally blogging again.in lab1 now,ALONE,dunno where did that hu shen go.never mind.getting a bit more attention lately,my lit test on poem got 21,highest in class,cant believe it.juz cleaned up my extremely dirty classroom all myself.haha,a good way to slim down.i haven touch the broom for such a long time,my index finger hurts.after lazing around and slacking for so long(since june holiday),i decided to buck up and TRY to hand up all my homework in time.saw my giant panda and sleeping beauty juz now when i went to hand up my portrait which doesnt look like me at all.i dun care anyway,i am never talented in art.luckily, giant panda went down or i hav to greet her coz she's in full u.saw her eating in canteen with her frends when i went down to eat coz i am so hungry that my tummy hurts badly.got ANOTHER donation card today.the first two blanks are left blank coz they are reserved for my giant panda and sleeping beauty if i hav the courage to ask them to donate.yesterday, i flunk my jap ca3.i wrote the kanji for shinsen when the word is shinsetsu.so stupid.last saturday,my pa came back .we had dinner in tampines.not too bad.oh right,tell u a decision i made,i decided not to eat cake on my birthday coz i want to buy a teddy bear that would cost a cake so i want to abandon the cake.i like dance lesson although i can never remember the steps.nobody wants to donate money to me,how sad.i got $1 from mr mak,must remember to get it from him tomorrow.sj turn all of us into loan sharks,we are all so desperate for money.x-country coming and so is national day.shall bring my camera to take photos of giant panda when she runs.feel excited at the thought of it.i see my slim ten quite often nowadays.i lost 2 g-2 pens and only left with one now,muz go and buy more.i suddenly like jay zhou a lot,his new song is NICE.must buy his cd when i go back to taiwan.miss the food there.always get fatter when i come back.i think i am growing fatter and fatter coz i eat a lot and didnt excercise.i haven swim for a long time,miss the water.but i dun like to bath at all.going to visit celia and hu shen's blog later and try my best to wreck them.hahahaha(evil laugh).see ya folks,always love ya!

2004-07-29T20:40:00.000+08:00

i declare my hatred for my computer and this blog.yesterday,i was typing like mad and everything was gone in a puff.qi si wo!!my sleeping beauty sleeps like a corpse today.wahahahahahahahahahahaha. let me recall wat happened yesterday. i met my sleeping beauty.i was molested my that disgusting girl AGAIN.we did high jump during pe and i wet my pants,feels yucky.i tot that mattress was dry and i was so happy to jump on it.but when i landed,oh my goodness,IT'S WET. wanna die arh,why never tell me it's wet.my memory is failing,i cant remember wat happened yesterday.right,i call people like crazy and rebaca own me a favour,shall make full use of it in kidnapping my giant panda.wanted to prank call her coz i was bored.haha.can u believe it,i am toking to giant panda now,like it's the most normal thing to do.busy toking to her,blog when i am free.byebye.

2004-07-27T15:43:00.000+08:00

i am diagnosed as having internet addiction disorder by Dr chu yu hsuan who is specialise in nothing.not really sad when i cannot march in ndp,i dunno how i should feel.xin yu and ferly and eileen are very sad,poor them.i dun feel bad coz i dunno how to march anyway.this is nice.can change colour.but my life will never be colourful again.i lost any hope of living.ihav nothing to say.mr mak praised me in fonrt of the class today for washing ms ng's plate and sweeping the floor.i was blushing all over.i never like attention.i want to be alone .and i am all alone now.but sometimes the loneliness try to drown me and my heart start to ache.l like this colour.it's gentle.during art,we suppose to draw ourselves.i couldnt draw my eyes no matter how i look at them.i am blogging here while my squadmates and seniors are marching downstairs.i dunno wat kind of feeling is that.weird maybe.i forget wat i want to type.isnt that great?i think i am sick and dying.i feel sad for no reason.i am sitting beside conky now.she ask me to say that.she ask me ask me to say that.i am being molested once again by the girl who sit with me in my school bus.i was very irritated.i wanted to say something bad abt her.ok,her hair sucks.i saw her and her today.but that was not enough to make me happy.seeing them make me sad instead.right,i remember wat i want to say.i am turning into a bulimic.i am always hungry and always eating but i dun feel like vomitting them out.maybe i should try to puke it out someday.i either starve myself or bloat myself.my life is never normal and it never will be.i juz noe it.told you,i dunno wat to say.i hope my sitting partner will leave me forever instead of going away and come back whenever she wants.i am not used to it.nowadays,i can see the dislikes in people's eyes when they saw me.i will never be accepted in the normal world coz i dun belong .that make me kind of sad.i dun blame them,it's not their fault anyway.i hope i die on the same day as i was born,it will look nice on my tomb stone:born on 7 october 1989,die on 7 october XXXX.nice,i like it.wish me good luck in having my wish come true.if i die , the only thing i will regret it i never get to hug my her and her.heart start to ache again,i will dig it out one day so that i wont feel miserable.i bet theres a hole in my heart.if i hav to die,i want to die in my room on my bed and not so stinky hospitals.i hate hospitals.for no reason.do i look like i am saying my last will?a bit.say no more,got to go,byebye.

2004-07-27T15:21:00.000+08:00

hi guyzz...dun tink u all noe who conky iz rite..haha...i am conky...the mean girl called conky..juz dun understand why ppl sae st john rox.....lesssss......st johnssss full of lesss.....i can even match them up.....................
hn rawks...aniwae...i created tiz blog for yh...
hushen-chu yuhsuan(sorry yh!)
celia-steffi
tjh-??

wadeva..yh keeps saeing tt they are not less....heck...juz go visit my blog and the psword is arrhhhh....GUESSSS LOR.......
a href="conky..click'>http://www.weirdosimply.blogspot.com">conky..click here..
hii.....st john weirdvball roz...rite yng tyng....well i not in st johns but noe some WEIRD PPL.....lyk tt shuyan thingyyy.....recca...alexandra......watevaaa.....stooopid stuff lar...not tt i am discriminating or something but i hate the johnyyyysssss intrack pantsss....juz joking..plz fogive moi....:) btw..if u plae gunbound and wan free avatar...add " autumnalthia" and i will giv u!!!!! ok???????????? applies to everyone....old or young...stoopid or dumb....gal or boi..

CONKY....:)

2004-07-26T19:13:00.000+08:00

hello everyone,long time no see!!i feel like blogging today becoz i am happy.why am i happy?coz there's recess drill!!and the sec4s are here!!feel extra extra happy.and the best is cl shuyan stood directly in front of me when she's toking to us.my heart beat faster and faster and faster.yahoo!!didnt see my another her tho.but i saw the her that belongs to my her twice today.she look nice.if i am free,maybe she can become my third her.i will think abt it.besides that , there's nothing to tok abt.my life is always the same.boring. listening to fish leong's cd as i type.the tenth song.repeatedly coz i like it.wei wo hao.that's the title .watched the mv before.toks abt a girl who fell in love with her teacher.very sad and romantic.juz my type.finish reading another love story.right,that's my life,nothing special to tok abt.there's a new and only boy in jap class.does cl liling has a younger brother?coz the boy's name is yeo jun wen and that made me tot of cl liling.haha.my p4 to p5 crush is also call something wen.i think that's a nice name.my son can call that too.and my daughter is definitely r*****.hey,her chinese can be shuyan then juz nice.all right,it's a deal then.but i hav decided to forget her slowly and her and her as well.they are in a total different world and there's no way i can reach them.yup,should cherish hu shen more.and my squadmates and seniors.although they will leave me one day,i will be contend with what i hav now.maybe i walk out of my house tomorrow and get knock down by car or hav accident and i am gone.dun worry,all my belongings will be given to my beloved sis and the memory will juz die with me then.toking abt sad things again but juz cant help it.muz be the song,it's too sad.

2004-07-21T21:04:00.000+08:00

back again,cant believe i forgot all about public duty.right,let me tell u all abt it.5.50 am,i went downstairs,waiting for taxi.and my school bus came(i forget to inform uncle that i am not taking). luckily a taxi came and off i went.i arrive at 6.15 am.the school look kind of creepy.i think i am the firsst one there.i went up to my classroom to put my bag.one of the computers was no shut down.the screen gives out an errie blue light.then i went back to audi lobby and no one was there.i decided that i hav tummyache and went to the toilet near the canteen and do watever that needs to be done.forget to tell u,i saw a girl sleeping and 4 kittens(weird,how come our sch hav kittens?)anyway i dun like kittens or cats.met woon chee and enqi when i finish my business.found out that cannot bring bag.went back to 4th floor,i tot the computer light will be gone.if that happens,i will scream my lungs out "gui arh!!!!!!",lucky the light is still there.ok,took a bus and went to choa chu kang sports complex.start duty,pair up with rebaca.she found her prince charming by the name of '599'from TCH.only a few shuai boys,so pathetic.never see any sunny boy.but i encountered a quite handsome one.cpl xin yun and i help him to a chair.then i pass him the salt water.when he look up,oh my goodness,suddenly,rays of light shine from heaven onto him,man,he looks nice!and he sort of smile at me,my heart was beating at 10000/minute.he's the only one i kind of like.he's my '599'.dun worry,i will be loyal to her.dun feel like writing anymore.byebye folks.

2004-07-21T20:08:00.000+08:00

right,i finally feel like posting and i hav the time anyway.later must polish boots when watching gong xi fa cai.since last week,i hav been slacking.i used the time that i suppose to do hw on sleeping.i juz cannot wake up.no wonder i didnt see her on tuesday,coz she didnt come.today is my lucky day.she was sitting on the benches opposite the classroom block and my seat was juz the perfect place to peek.haha.altho i cant see her face at first but my first,second,third,fourth,fifth and six sense told me "YES,ITS HER!".cant help but smile.the way she writes is beautiful.then went to the basement for pe.when i come back,oh my goodness,cant believe my luck,she's still there.turn my chair toward the door to admire her.then suddenly i hav to visit the dentist.shit.and the bell rang,she started to leave.yeah,i can still see her.quickly rush down,she 's there!and as usual,i wanted to laugh.SO HAPPY!she's online now,juz sign in,a sign appeared and told me so.she showed herself in front of me when i sat on the benches.happy,happy.after that she's GONE.i couldnt find her anyway,so sad.then we had to go down.dunno why,my sixth,fifth,fourth,third,second and first sense told me to turn around and there she was,sitting at the benches further back.i bet she's eating porridge again.during footdrill,i got special care from cpl meiqi again.i was too tense up.but i tot i wasnt,i tried very hard to relax.but i cant,if i relax then my arm wont be 90 and 45.my left arm hurts and feels weak.i think the left side of my body is not as good as my right.i depend on my right most of the time.during PCCG today,i was reading newspaper for dunno how long and yet nobody notice.i guess mr mak's beady eyes cant reach the back of the classroom.i noe i am invisible to my classmates and teachers.i can feel the silence around me.it's a bit scary sometimes but i dun mind.if i find someone i noe after being quiet for like forever,i juz want to tell that person everything and become very talkative.no choice,i am abnormal.to hu shen,steffi and eileen:how can you all skip third lang?when hu shen and eileen didnt come today,i was quite worried and tot they were kidnapped or met with mishap.then conky and jamie told me u all skip lesson,oh my goodness.then i got excited,wondering if ur names will be called during assembly tomorrow and wat punishment u will get."Below are the names of the people who did not attend third language,Steffi huang,Kong eileen,Hu shen from 102 please proceed to the principal's office after assembly,mdm mak wants to see you." ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
when i was on the mrt,shakespear possessed me again and i tot of some nice poems but suddenly a weird phrase came into me mind "she's like a goldbar that drop from the sky onto my head" i think u all noe who that she is.recently,i am able to compose some poems but they all sound weird.i like them anyway,especially the one i composed on 171 bus.if u ever see the "Home" mv for national day,look out for a long hair girl without wearing spectacle and has a mole somewhere near her nose and looking kind of toot,that's my beloved sis.she didnt appear much so look carefully.haha.it's 8,gotta polish my boots,byebye folks.

2004-07-15T15:52:00.000+08:00

yo,hu shen and i are currently in comp lab2 doing some illegal things again but as usual u dun hav to noe wat it is.it is a top secret.urgh,she's locking up her blog,then how am i going to read?ok loh,if she feels the need to ,i will support her discision.saw her from my class today.FINALLY.my hardwork repays.during footdrill today,i was very tense but if not how to swing up 90 and back 45?and some more the x ncos were watching,made me more nervous and tense.cant believe we r marching on ndp.hope i dun wet my pants that day.i bet i will be so tense up that i cant even swing my arms at all.ee...i will look like a robot then.hahahahahahahaha,yesterday i did something very funny to amuse myself.give u a clue,it has something to do with rebaca and cl liling.oh today too,rebaca was so FUNNY!never see this side of her before.wont get to see it when cl liling graduates.oh,she will leave as well.how sad.let's all encourage eileen to give her flowers to cl liling,ok?kind of caught in the middle,who should i support,rebaca or eileen?lucky nobody going to snatch her away,at least not openly.i will chop her into pieces.and cl shuyan,she's nice and friendly on the msn.u noe,yunlin got so nervous when toking to her that i got nervous too.anyway,it's not too bad.back to my squad again.i really wonder wat's wrong with that girl,trying to avoid any job and responsiblities.wat the heck is wrong with her?ok,shouldnt bother myself with this kind of thingy,it's not healthy to my brain.i think my brain is getting rusty by the minute,i cant seem to get anything into it.i guess i am abnormal but i cant help it.it's a really hard choice to make,i can only choose one,it's either i sleep and abandon my hw or i be a pig in class and get my hw complete.*SIGH* nothing is perfect in life,especially my life.saw her today,eating porridge again,i think it's becoz of her braces.still remember the time i had braces on,i choke on everything i eat but i still eat it anyway and get all the veggie stuck on it and went to scare my sis,haha,now my sis is the one suffering,she has to cut everything small and tiny while i take a big bite off the drumstick.that's retribution.think i type kind of long but cant help it.i juz hate my laptop,it's so useless.

2004-07-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

ALL RIGHT,PPLE,IT'S TIME TO TOK EVERYTHING OUT NOW.TO MY SQUADMATES:ENOUGH OF CHILDISH AND KIDDY PLAYS!WE HAV SERIOUS PROBLEM HERE.AFTER A FEW MONTHS,WE WILL BECOME SENIORS,HOW R WE GOING TO LEAD THEM WHEN WE HAV PROBLEMS?CHANGE UR ATTITUDE IF U HAV ATTITUDE PROBLEM.SOME SENIORS FEED BACK THAT WE HAV NO RESPECT FOR THEM.REMEMBER,SOON THEY R GOING TO BE NCOS,I AM SURE U ALL DUN WANT TO LOSE FACE IN FRONT OF UR JUNIORS.ANYWAY,WAT THEY SAY IS FOR OUR OWN BENEFITS,THEY WONT TRY TO HARM US,EVEN IF U DUN AGREE,NEVER SAY NASTY COMMENTS TO THEM,IT'S NOT RESPECTFUL,DUN TELL ME U WANT UR JUNIORS TO TREAT U THAT WAY,THROWING UR KINDNESS DOWN THE DRAIN.BE MATURE,U R NOT IN UR HOUSE ANYMORE,THERE IS NO MAID TO SERVE YOU.TAKE THE INITIATIVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR UR OWN SQUAD,INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR OTHERS TO SAVE YOU ALL THE TIME.EVERYONE HAS A PART TO PLAY.SHOUT OR SCREAM OUT UR OPINION IF U DO NOT AGREE WITH US,BUT MAKE SURE IT'S CONSTRUCTIVE AND NOT NONSENSE.SO WAT IF U GET SCOLDED BY NCOS,THE WHOLE SQUAD WILL CRY WITH YOU IN THE TOILET.NEXT THING,WE ARE TOO WEAK.HOW TO SAVE PPLE WHEN WE ARE NOT FIT ENOUGH?TRY TO DO UR BEST DURING PT.HELP OTHERS AND OTHERS WILL HELP U BACK.DUN EXPECT OTHERS TO LEND A HELPING HAND WHEN U DO NOTHING TO DESERVE IT.WE R STILL YOUNG AND INEXPERIENCE,WE NEED TO LEARN FROM SENIORS.THEY R KIND TO US DOESNT MEAN THAT WE CLIMB ONTO THEIR HEAD.BE HUMBLE.WE SHOULD BE STRONG BOTH PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.DUN BE AFRAID OF SCOLDINGS,THEY R JUZ TRYING TO PULL YOU BACK.IF U CAN LET TEACHER'S WORDS GO IN FROM 1 EAR AND OUT THE OTHER,DO THE SAME TO SCOLDINGS.WELL,AT LEAST U TRY TO HELP THE SQUAD AND WE WILL BE THANKFUL.ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE,GIVE AND RECEIVE.
i learn a lot from seniors today and realise our squad really need a change.cooperate with the ic and aic,dun give them trouble,ask you to do something,juz do it and wont get scolding.imagine urself being the one in charge and nobody bothers abt you,how will you feel?i am not trying to be bossy but something has to be done to our squad.think before u act or it will be too late.we will jia you together and achieve our goals.keep nasty words to urself and never speak it out.be sensitive juz as others are to u.if u dun try and u quit,i am sorry,all for one and one for all does not apply here.although we hav many pple,as long as everyone put in some effort,improvement can be made.work hard and show the rest that we can do it.

2004-07-12T11:26:00.000+08:00

shh......tell u something,i am in the sch comp lab,doing some illegal thing but u dun hav to noe wat thing i am doing,juz noe that i am doing is good enough.anyway,i am going to start my hate speech in 5 sec.54321,here it goes,i hate myself,i hate everything but mostly,i hate my laptop and myself.i hate everything coz i messed them up.so i should hate myself the most.ya,ok,i hate myself the most.i hate my eyes,i hate my brain(actually i dun hav 1),i hate my body,i hate my legs.aiya,i hate everything that belongs to me.she has a new target,that's cool,let's wish her all the best!i also want a new crush,sounds kind of fun.

2004-07-11T18:12:00.000+08:00

feeling very frustrated with my computer.dunno wat's wrong eith it,throwing tantrum,dun do wat i want.once again,today is a very cold day.weird that i am not frozen after sitting in air-con room like for dunno how many hours for that stupid tuition.but no choice,i am the stupid one loh.back to that stupid computer,i cant visit her blog loh,so irritating,feel like smashing it.i hav come to a decision,i am going to the comp lab tomorrow during recess to find out information abt that qin shi huang's icy toilet bowl and then go somewhere else but u dun hav to noe where is it.so if u want to look for me tomorrow,juz go comp lab.right,nothing much to tok abt.ya,i did one of the quizzes,the result is i will die of suicide,do u think it's accurate?maybe.

2004-07-09T21:01:00.000+08:00

wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
today's fun fair really FUN!the best ever.especially talent time.she was so close to me yet i look for her so xin ku.then saw my classmate's sis which is in her class then saw her.actually saw her back earlier but didnt noe it was her coz her hair look kind of weird.then start to xin shang her,her back,the way she turn her head to tok to her frend,the way she cross her legs,the way she clap her hands.haha,i was smiling to myself while fanning away.cant describe how happy i am.juz like celia when she see celestine.visited her stall twice.the first time she wasnt there.bought the bee hoon from cpl zhi hui.purposely buy $2 to get the eggs that she fried.VERY TASTY.lucky got read her blog at 4am in the morning.the 2nd time i went,she was there and told me she fried those eggs.aiyah,that's y i buy mah.the 2nd plate of bee hoon was very oily,feel like puking after eating but of coz cannot puke out the eggs,got her ai xin inside.stupid,didnt hear my own song dedication.waste $.when i go back to class,i drag a chair to enjoy the wind at the corridor.the view was GOOD!her stall juz below,can see EVERYTHING!haha,enjoy myself lots.feel dizzy during the fun fair thought.very uncomfortable.took photo with hu shen.feel like asking her to lend her face to me to take photo.too bad i didnt bring camera today,or else take her photo like a paparazzi.when we went to the hall at the end of the day,my class really noe how to choose seat and sit beside 4/12 and i sit beside cpl aileen.my fan accidentally hit her,so embarrassed,haha.after that,went to swing on the swing with hu shen and tok a lot of crap.i think they hav sj meeting and was wondering wat the heck they doing inside that room.got home at 6.45,strip off that irritating bra,change out my pants and jump onto the bed,prepare to sleep until tomorrow 4am then get up to bath AGAIN.but was stopped by ma.but until now,i am still wearing that 'i hate pple who sing in the morning' snoopy shirt.REALLY HAPPY today.pass something to her frend to give to her.TODAY IS BEAUTIFUL!but that man is really horrible,having another woman beside his wife,feel like crying for the wife.and that gong xi fa cai also,haha serve him right,the woman cheat on him.decided not to get married,since one cant love a person forever.forget to say,wnet to sy's stall to take photo but she wasnt there.i supported almost all the ncos,seniors and squadmates but not all lah.very loyal to sj rite?forgot one thing,today during talent time,got 1 sec4 senior keep critisizing other pple and call pple bitch,kind of sickening,we r the same kind rite,if we r female dog then wat is she,a female cat meh?then say pple dunno how to dance but at least they got the courage to dance on stage and she cant,kind of irritated with this kind of pple.yup,ok,that's all for today.

2004-07-04T23:51:00.000+08:00

i am quite happy.tok to jia hui,yunlin and rebaca juz now.and dear reb added u-noe-who into the conversation,haha,kind of happy to tok to her.guess i cant forget her in such a short time.she told me that she doesnt hate me and she like the stupid bear i gave her.haha,really happy now.she's so SWEET!cant help smiling and blushing when i think of her.dunno wat happen between hs and conky,kind of worried abt them but hav no idea how to help.useless me.good for nothing.haven finish hw yet.hate hw so much.gtg,byebye,folks.

2004-07-03T13:17:00.000+08:00

HI! This is NOT Yu Hsuan, but hs :p...
To Yu Hsuan: Please don't be so sad...its totally NOT true that you do not nave any leadership qualities. cos without you, who noes how many times MORE will we be scolded? You really helped us all a lot. It was really brave of you to volunteer to be the aic...& as for Ferly, i think she, like you, is just "infactuated" with them for a time being only. she( & you) should have gotten over it by now;). & thanks for wanting to treat me & Celia drinks!! but why carn you find us? thats really weird...anyway...DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY!!! & to Celia: if you ever read this blog, i just want you to know that you can pinch me too if you ever feel the need :)

2004-07-03T11:33:00.000+08:00

hello everyone.i am not that happy.since cca yesterday.i guess i finally see the truth.i hav decided to let go.i am tired,that's why i sleep until 11 this morning.shouldn't trouble her anymore.said goodbye to her on her blog.time to start afresh.i guess i never hav enough patient to wait for something that seem like taking forever to come.i will just give up.but it feel kind of good to let down a big stone.cl shuyan tag on her blog,saying that she's mean to liling.i dunno wat happened.i decided to quit the job.it took so long to realise i hav no leadership quality.shouldn't bring anymore trouble to my squad,it's not fair to them.i think ferly dun like me after i snatch away her nco.she kind of try to say some sarcastic words to hurt me.To celia:WHY DID YOU LEFT SCHOOL SO EARLY,I BOUGHT TWO PACKETS OF GREEN TEA TO TREAT YOU AND HUSHEN TO CHEER YOU UP YET I COULDN'T FIND YOU ANYWHERE.IN THE END I HAV TO CARRY THAT TWO PACKETS HOME AND I ALREADY HAV A PACKET OF WINTER MELON TEA AT HOME.ANYWAY,DUN BE SAD ANYMORE,I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR U TO PINCH IF U NEED.

2004-06-28T18:54:00.000+08:00

err...i juz type a lot of things but i lost it all and hav to type all over again.hello everyone,I am the'real' yu hsuan,believe it or not,I AM YU HSUAN!nice to meet you.this is my first time blogging,please give me ur guidance.school was ok today.saw ****** today,kind of happy.got to do hw now,byebye!

2004-06-20T19:57:00.000+08:00

hi everyone...this blog is being neglected...sad...ppljuz dun care...anyway, camp is tomorrow...dunno whether can survive or not...nvm...juz TAG!!!!

2004-06-14T09:47:00.000+08:00

Hi eveyone!!! i changed the template & now eveything is okay!!! TAG, kz?!

2004-05-28T15:33:00.000+08:00

hey..this is conky here..life has been quite tough this few daes hor...dunno wad to do..everything has kinda changed..it reali makes me damn confused..wad can i do...no one is there to comfort me..they juz ... heck...can i eva seek comfort frm my frens at all...who are my true frens?? can somebodi answer me...yuhsuan, can tag or not..this is ur blog and u dun tag at all...plz...
life reali sux..hypocrites everywhere...this person hu mite be actually ur good fren suddenly backstabs u..and ur enemy suddenly becomes ur good fren... tis is reali horrible lor...so farrr away....i cant reach u.............................my fren.........

2004-05-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

HI! This is not yu hsuan's blog but it'll be...soon..=P...& ppl r still tagging on the tag-board even though this is not her blog...haha...Great News....yu hsuan is going back to her p.school tomorrow to receive a prize!! & the best thing is that she gets to skip school!!! gonna miss her tomorrow...budden she too guai...saes that she is goning to rush back 4 home econs cos she wants to bake choc muffins...& 4 cca, of course. u'll never find her skipping cca if she can help it...she's totally devoted to it!!! hahaz...lamelameLAME!o, & did i mention that i'm the lamest of the lamers...hsthelame!!!lolz...ok, signing off now...bb
(p.s: i'll try to get yu hsuan to post smth...)

2004-05-26T19:10:00.000+08:00

Hihi!! this is not the cute & sweet yu hsuan again but the lame & lamer hs=P...thought i 'll juz drop by & say hi again...hmmm....do u think i should add a tagboard here too? & i'll try to get yu hsuan to post smth here...bb 4 now..

2004-05-13T21:31:00.000+08:00

Hihi!! sorry....but this is not the cute & adorable yu hsuan bud the lame & lamer hs!!!aniwae, juz dropped by to sae that conky is pervertic...especially since she created this blog 4 yu hsuan...lolz...& yu hsuan is so cute!!!....smilez....=>